Thursday got off to a bad start… I clearly remember double-checking that I’d set my phone to go off at 0540 but I was awakened by the most annoying sound of chain-saws and the sun blasting through the cab curtains that suddenly alerted me to the fact that it was probably well past the time my alarm was set for 
. Not wrong, the clock said 0640 and some geezers had decided the chop some branches off the nearby trees. Dare I say it but I was grateful to them for making such a din as I probably would have slept for another hour or so waiting for the alarm to go off otherwise.
I quickly got myself consposed and muttered some excuses at the in gate to Lewis’s.
“Ah, don’t worry about it, we’re not strict about booking times here”
Crikey . Must make a note in my diary of that and inform the likes of Tesco’s etc…
There was a wagon already tipping in the middle of the yard so I took that opportunity to find the toilet and wash room and made myself a tad more presentable.
I was soon tipped there and got away about 0710. Belled the office and received instructions to go to York Barbell fitness equipment in Daventry which is down the last turn on the right before the main Daventry roundabout (opposite the filling station) if you’re coming in from the A5/M1 end (I came up the A5). They don’t start while 0800 and it was 0755 when I turned up there.
“You want a load for Acton Gate”, I’ve been before but couldn’t remember where it was or who it was for that matter.
Went in and saw the warehouse geezers.
“Acton Gate eh 
. That’s not going to be ready for another 2-3 hours at least”.
Another call to the office.
“Zebidee. Come out of there and go to CPD at Wellesbourne please. You’ll have a trailer out of there for Toys R Us at Coventry. The address you want is M40 Distribution Park”.
I can’t remember which county Wellesbourne is in but anyway, I didn’t have a street map for it and didn’t know where this distribution park was. I decided to head towards Warwick and then took a left along some B-road - Fosse Way perhaps - and then took a right about 5 mile after going over the top of the M40 and went into Wellesbourne that way. Went through the town centre and saw a sign for industrial estates - Airfield Ind Est in fact - and decided to follow that. I later learned from the security man that M40 Distribution Park hadn’t been known as that for as long as he could remember and it was correctly Wellesbourne Distribution Park. I asked if CPD were in here and he said yes but they’ve got about 13 different warehouses on site, which one did I want 
. Well I don’t know .
“You’d best go to warehouse 13 which is the main drivers office and they’ll direct you from there”.
Drove in and took a left as directed and there’s CPD on my right. Drove in the yard and collared the fork lift guy. Told me I was in the wrong place and directed me to where I needed to be. Dropped the trailer as instructed and picked up another one which had been part loaded but I needed to go over the far side to load the rest on. Went over there and waited my turn behind two of our own motors and a Woolies FM. It was very hot outside and everytime I opened the bloody window a wasp or ten decided to come in and have a nosey 
. As I’m very allergic to wasp stings and need urgent medical attention if stung this does create a problem. With no air-con on these units it’s even worse but it had to be done so I closed both windows and set the blower on speed 4 which kind of did the trick. At least the air was being stirred around even if it was warm.
When a pallet truck was lifted onto the trailer I wasn’t amused. Loaded 12 pallets on and lost about the same amount of pints in perspiration in the process. Back over to the other side to get my paperwork and managed to get a good gander at the young lass in the office with a see-through top and ultra low bottoms 
(best part of the week 
).
With directions for Toys R Us off I went onto the A46 up to the M69/M6 then hung a couple of lefts on to the A4600 then another left into the Ind Est and there’s Toys R Us on the right, just at the side of the UPS hub. Only two bays and there’s a trailer on one of them so I jumped out and rang the bell. No answer, so I rang it some more and then some more… Eventually I got bored of that so I belled up the office and told them the craic.
“What do you mean there’s only two bays . There’s about fifty there”.
Anyway, I’d gone to the shop rather than the RDC which is the other side of the UPS hub 
.
Eventually I found it and pulled in and went to see security. We got chatting and he was telling me about all the cameras around the site and he could see what anyone was doing at any time etc. Well good for you I thought.
Off I goes round to the far side to book in and the lass told me to put it on bay 7.
"Do you want the keys bringing in "
“No, you keep them”. Crikey 
So, put it on bay 7 and noticed that every bay from where I was up to the far end (bay 50 ish probably) was occupied so I expected to be there for a while. It was too hot to sleep but I got on the bunk and managed to get about 45 mins in before I was awoken by some clown shouting in the warehouse.
“… ■■? bay 7 can you ■■?”.
Because he was in the warehouse I couldn’t hear what he was saying so I got my boots on and went to the office.
"One of your warehouse guys is shouting about bay 7 which is the one I’m on, what’s the problem like ".
“You’re tipped, there’s your paperwork” .
“You could do with getting some traffic lights so we know what’s happening, especially as the drivers keep the keys. They could misinterpret what the warehouse guys are saying and pull off the bay with someone on the back”.
She wasn’t bothered so I left, closed the shutter on the trailer and drove round to security.
“Just need to have a look in the back of the trailer”. No probs.
“We do random cab searches too so I’ll just have a look round your cab”.
“No offence mate, but you won’t. What’s in the cab is private stuff and nothing to do with you, the management, nor connected with the delivery”.
“Sorry drive but those are the site rules that random cab searches are carried out”.
“I couldn’t give two hoots . You’re not searching my cab, end of story. That cab is my home from Monday to Friday and no-one enters it without my consent. I’ll tell you what though, I’ll do you a deal. You tell me where you live and give me your house keys and I’ll go to your house, let myself in and have a good nosey round your house and then I’ll let you have a nosey in my cab, deal ”.
“Don’t be ridiculous”.
“Anyhow, you said to me when I entered the site an hour ago that you have cameras all over the site that could tell you what everyone’s doing at any time, so I’ll tell you what, you go back to your little hut and rewind your tapes and then you’ll be able to see for yourself what I’ve been doing and where I’ve been and you’ll see that I’ve been nowhere except from my cab to the office okay . Besides, where are the signs saying that random cab searches will be carried out upon entering the site . As far as I can see there aren’t any so sorry to disappoint you but you’ve picked a fight with the wrong driver, mate”. As he’d left the barrier up I concluded by saying, “if that’s all, I’m going, ta-ra”.
Jobs-worths, I hate them.
I belled the office up to find out where I was going from there and I was supposed to be going to Guildford for a load for Friday morning tip at Welwyn Garden City but after looking up the address the phone went again telling me to ditch that and go back to CPD for another load back to Toys R Us .
Got down there and got loaded for the second run. When I’d finished and shut the trailer door I asked the forkie if I could use the toilet and needed to wash my hands as well.
“Yeah sure, go into the warehouse and follow the yellow lines and it’s on your right about half way down”.
Got most of the way down and a white shirt came running over to me and said
"Where do you think you’re going "
"To the toilet for a ■■■■■ and to wash the muck off my hands, is that alright "
“No it’s not alright, drivers aren’t allowed to use the toilets. You’ll have to find one elsewhere”.
"Oh will I . It’s people with ‘I’m important’ attitude’s like you that really zebidee us off, thinking you can treat us like zebidee and get away with it. You’re clearly another one that obviously expects all the food in Tesco’s when you do your weekly shop gets there by magic eh . Zebidee. You gonna let me use the toilet then or am I going to be forced to ■■■■■ in your yard "
“Go ahead and try it. I’ll get you arrested and banned from the park”.
That’s the wrong thing to say to me as I don’t take zebidee from anyone, especially the ‘I’m important’ brigade. Although I would have slashed in his yard without worry on this occasion I decided the better plan of action would be to go and see the top banana in the main office over the other side and tell him the tale which I promptly went and did. He asked what he looked like so I told him,
“Yeah, I know exactly who you mean. I shall most certainly be having a few words with him about that. Drivers are entitled to use the toilet facilities as much as anyone else and the person you refer obviously has some sort of attitude problem. Come with me, I’ll take you to the one here but I’ll need to accompany you to it because of the goods we have in the warehouse are of a sensitive nature” (not sure what’s so sensitive about cuddly toys and board games but there you go…).
Second drama of the day over with and I got back to Toys R Us at Coventry, drove in the gate and out comes Cpt. Jobs-worth again, waving his hands madly at me to stop.
“You can’t come in here, we’re closed”.
"You’re closed . You’re kidding right . It’s only 4.15 ".
“You’ll have to back it up as there’s a wagon waiting to get in behind you”.
“You just said you were closed so how come he’s allowed in”.
“Well he’s a Toys wagon”.
“Oh right” - 
Belled the office up and told them.
“Right, take the trailer in to the UPS hub round the corner and drop it off. How much time have you got left (told him). Right okay, pick up a loaded trailer for Argos Bridgwater for 0700 tomorrow please Rob”.
“Right-o, will do”.
It was about 1630 by this time and the sky suddenly went very dark. Five minutes later there was a crack of lightning and then the Heaven’s opened . Crikey, it was the heaviest down-pour I’ve seen so far this year . I took shelter in the cab for 15 mins whilst it passed. While I was sat in the cab the bell rang and it was some geezer from H & S at Ossett.
“We’ve just had a driver lose a trailer who’s driving one of the newer DAF XF’s and upon inspection it turned out that the spring retaining bolt on the king pin lever had worked lose and dropped out, thus rendering the spring springless which in turn means that there’s nothing holding the king-pin in. You’re in VXY which is one of the same models so as a matter of urgency can you check it right now and let me know if the bolt is loose or not”.
“Crikey . Yeah sure” (the rain had just about stopped by this point).
So I jumped out and had a look. The mechanism on the later (non new shape) XF’s involves the king-pin level with like an inner lever which is spring-loaded. You pull both together when you want to disconnect the pin. Upon examination it turned out that the bolt on mine was on it’s last legs and looked like it was about to fall out . There was certainly plenty of the thread visible.
Although Coventry hub doesn’t have a garage on site I managed to borrow a 10mm spanner from another driver and tighten it up some but unfortunately it looked like the bolt had been damaged at some point and it was bent near the top which obviously prevented it screwing all the way home. It was in far enough for now and as I would be home tomorrow I’d do a proper defect for it then.
That done, I was on my way to Argos Bridgwater, Taunton Road. I made a fatal error and went along the M6 and down the M42 where the 50mph is… What a mistake . Numpty-o-rama’s braking to 35mph to go past the speed cameras and the queues were backing up big stylee. I hate that bit of road; 'bout time they gor their fingers out of their behinds and finished it.
Not knowing Bridgwater at all, I came off on the top end (J23 ) and trolled into Bridgwater that way. I knew that Taunton Road was the A38 but wasn’t sure where it started and finished. Got through Bridgwater and out the other side and still no sign of it. Eventually got to J24 where Bridgwater services is and drew a blank. What now . A-ha, where does this road go past the services . Went down there and found Somerfield RDC plus another Somerfield RDC and with it being dark and the road saying it was a dead-end I jumped out and asked the security guys if they knew where it was.
“Yeah, it’s there in front of you says one of them” .
And he was right, I couldn’t see it for looking .
After perusing the area for a suitable spot to ditch I decided that it was all too hilly for my comfort so came back to the big lay-by outside Somerfield and parked up for the night there.
I took my tacho out and then looked at it in horror to discover that it was now 2200 and I’d started at 0600 that morning . I can’t believe that I’d made such a miscalculation but in hind-sight I was thinking too much about needing 9hrs off before starting Friday that I’d totally forgotten about my start time that day. I’ve written that to the effect on my tacho and as I’ve never done this before I’m hoping it will hold weight
16hrs in the bag equates to £170 plus £20 night out money.
Friday & Saturday next 
…
. Got a decent wash as best I could with the water I had with me and instantly felt better for it.
. Just as I was about to come to the verge where the ramp access ended he came flying close along my nearside blasting the horn and waving his fist out of the window which was obviously wound down. Not remotely phased by him I headed straight for the flood on the nearside verge just as he was alongside my cab and my timing was perfect - the whole lot went straight in his open window… and he had a white shirt on too.