Keith, approaching twelve, I poured a glass of Irish mist for my wife and cranberry juice for myself , turn the channel to BBC scotland and saw the new year in, then delved back in my memory to when I used to really enjoy myself, had a few good ones in Scotland, Tenerife, but parties are a thing of the past. Harry will tell you, when you are old, you are as useful as a old tyre, and always lying around. 
Hi Norman,
You could have a new tread cut,you would have more tread than a Cockerel then. 
Cheers Dave.
Dave , talking about tyres, I was chatting up this young girl at a dance, I said ask me how I feel, she said how do you feel, I said whey ho, and squeezed her midriffed, she said hang on, leave my spare tyre alone, darling the time you should start to worry, is when I touch your “innertube”!
Norm, I think you and Harry should start a thread on the young drivers section,on how to pull the birds.I’m sure these younger las could learn a lot off you two sage’s.
Cheers Dave.
dessert driver:
Hi boys
First of all may I wish you all a Happy New Year…
Now that’s over, I was sat here eating my tea and watching North West Tonight when it showed the I.O.M. and a bunch of nuts, oops I mean people taking a dip in the sea.The shot they showed was quite distance so could not make out if you were there shivering Chris. Did any of you lads do anything last night or today that you now regret?
Regards Keith.
Nutters,the lot of 'em Keith.I was up early this morning though,0730,beach covered in frost.Took the car and went up to the Point of Ayre for a walk,about 20 miles from Douglas.A nice sunny day,no wind,could see the Lake district hills covered in snow and Dumfries and Galloway as clear as a bell.In fact we could see Snowdonia from our front room window and that’s more than 60 miles away.Couldn’t see any tippers running about though
Dave, here is one you can try on your wife, I have used quite a few times, when in company of pretty young females, pick on the one you like, and say if someone is around smokeing, or it is windy, oh I have a bit in my eye, lower you eye lid and say could you gently blow, and while their lips are pursed, you plonk a smacker on her lips, I found I got a 9-1 ratio of success out of that little ploy!
Hi Norm,
The only smacker I would get is one off my good lady,probably as Harry would say,in the lughole,by the way,haven’t got a wife,we live over the brush,which I could get around the lughole as well.
Cheers Dave.
Go on Dave you can see if you get a kiss, whatever you will get a smacker!
Hi boys
Norman Ingram:
Dave, here is one you can try on your wife, I have used quite a few times, when in company of pretty young females, pick on the one you like, and say if someone is around smokeing, or it is windy, oh I have a bit in my eye, lower you eye lid and say could you gently blow, and while their lips are pursed, you plonk a smacker on her lips, I found I got a 9-1 ratio of success out of that little ploy!
Norm, you diden’t say what you got from the other 1
Regards Keith
hiya,
A couple of postings back someone said old Norm and myself should start a thread advising young-uns on the finer art of bird pulling, i’ll leave that to Norm what with my track record “how to get rid of e’m would be more appropriate”.
thanks harry long retired.
Hi Harry,
You and Norm both have more experience than us post war striplings,you both did your stint in the forces and had a lot of training for bird pulling,Ive never seen a bird with ■■■■■ on her back,let alone pulled one,seen it the other way round but not like that. And Norm,well what can I say,some of his tales ought to be sold to the sunday papers.
Cheers Dave.
Dave, I cannot remember if I told you, but when I was in Rotenburg near Bremen as a army Craftman, and no digs Harry, I was out on the town with a few mates, when I chatted up this honey blonde, she was only just over 4 foot 6inches, I achieved my objected, but not without a few bricks, I know a few of you truckers would say we were cementing our relationship, but I could have done with some sand & cement to keep those bricks steady. , that was the time in my young lad life, that I found out what a knee trembler was?
Hi Norm,
You needed a wheelbarrow as well as the sand and cement,if she was that short,but then again,you don’t look at the mantle peice when your poking the fire.
Cheers Dave.
To have a nice mantle piece is grate? or great Dave, I could have called her my little propeller, she was pretty, a small version of “Betty Grable”, ask Harry if you do not know her.
Norman Ingram:
Dave, I cannot remember if I told you, but when I was in Rotenburg near Bremen as a army Craftman, and no digs Harry, I was out on the town with a few mates, when I chatted up this honey blonde, she was only just over 4 foot 6inches, I achieved my objected, but not without a few bricks, I know a few of you truckers would say we were cementing our relationship, but I could have done with some sand & cement to keep those bricks steady.
So when you were nose to nose her toes were on it,and when you were toes to toes her nose was on it? 
Norman Ingram:
To have a nice mantle piece is grate? or great Dave, I could have called her my little propeller, she was pretty, a small version of “Betty Grable”, ask Harry if you do not know her.
Hi Norm,
Did Harry give heer a seeing to as well 
Or did you mean Betty Grable,if so, yes have heard of her,great legs apparently.
Cheers Dave.
hiya,
Dave great legs indeed she had them insured for millions, and boy worth every penny, no i did’nt have two’s up on Norm’s mini version of Betty.
thanks harry long retired.
harry_gill:
hiya,
Dave great legs indeed she had them insured for millions, and boy worth every penny.
thanks harry long retired.
Hi Harry,
Just been looking on google about her,she was only 57 when she passed on,she was the biggest earning star of her day.
Can’t say if I have seen her in a film or not.Been watching the darts on the tele,just come on here for a few minutes,then have a look at Taylor and Webster,its pretty much the same thing,but its better than some of the stuff on there. According to the news,you have more snow up your way.
Cheers Dave.
hiya,
Yes Dave more snow looks i’ll be doing the taxi job tomorrow, had her out to a couple of her customers tonight and the main roads are bad and the side roads are a sheet of ice, i wish she’d chuck the job i don’t like getting out of a warm bed at six in the morning to drive a bleeding motor when i spent many years trying my hardest to escape from driving bloody wagons, but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do, tell you what if St Peter tries to give me a driving job should i go that way i’ll tell him where to park the thing.
thanks harry long retired.
Harry you silly sod, you will get “Wings” if you go up there, and probaly a few cans of “Red Bull”, but if go the other place, you get a great big fork, and some horns, most likely you will go to the latter, because bing married three times, you must have been very ■■■■■ in your younger days! 