theres a leeds player and a leicester player in a car , whos driving 
the police 
heres the sexist joke for the week.
your sitting in the living room feet up can of beer in the hand
and the wife comes in from the kitchen
and says wtf have you done wrong now
you reply obviously made the chain to long
rangers football club have issued a phone number for there depressed fans 
the number is 0800 10 10 10
thats 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing
KitKat…COOOOOOL 1
President Bush has asked his aides to find a place for Saddam Hussian. where he cannot harm anyone…
They have sugested playing up front for Rangers
this bull says to this guy do you know that bulls have ■■■ 365 days of the year
the guy replies yeah,but you don’t need to sleep with the same cow every night
KitKat…tut tut
i liked it ,thousands wouldn’t
q. whats the differance between a dead dog in the road and hugh dallas ( scottish referee )
a. there are skid marks in front of the dog
your trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and huge dallas, you have a gun with two bullets,question… what should you do
ans…shoot huge dallas twice
a rangers fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his mcewans top.he knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks st.peter.
hello mate says st. peter, i’m sorry, no rangers fans in heaven.what? exclaims the man astonished.you heard, no rangers fans.
but,but,but,i’v been a good man,repies the rangers supporter.
oh really says st. peter.what have you done then?well says the guy
three weeks before i died, i gave 10pounds to the starving children in africa.
oh says st. peter…anything else? well 2 weeks before i died i also gave 10 pounds to the homeless.hmmm anything else?
yeah a week before i died i gave 10 pounds to the albanian orphans.
okay said st.peter,you wait here a minute while i have a word with the governor
ten minutes pass before st.peter returns.he looks the bloke in the eye and says i’ve had a word with god and he agrees with me
here’s your 30 quid back, now ■■■■ off
Hugh Dallas aint popular then?
V8KARLV8:
Hugh Dallas aint popular then?
hated more than saddam
there’s these 2 old guy’s playing golf, it’s blowing a gale and pouring with rain.one of the old guy’s was about to take his shot when this hearse goes past,the old guy see’s it and stop’s, take’ s his hat of and bow’s. after the hearse goes past his mate say’s to him that was very christian of you, he say’s it’s blowing a gale, pouring with rain,you see the hearse go past and you stop take your hat of and bow. the guy replies yes after all she was a good wife to me.
this factory decides to have a golf outting,one of the workers had to pull out,so the boss say’s to one of the other worker’s,do you want to go on this outting,your name will go into a hat and you will be playing with a pro.he say’s ok.so of they go this guy get’s his name pulled out of the hat and he’s playing with tiger woods. he’s at the 4th tee and he’s playing like a pratt. tiger say’s to him listen i know your playing with the best player in the world and your nervous,just calm yourself down and play your game.so the guy tee’s off and the ball goes straight into the crowd at the side and hits this guy ,the guy bends forward claspping his hands together,just then this big busted blonde comes out of the crowd and say,s to this guy i’m a nurse and put’s her hand down the guy’s trousser’s and starts to rub him, 2or 3 mins have past and the blond say’s is that better? yes the guy says that was brilliant, but my thumb is still killing me.
Little Johnny Answers the Question
Teacher: “Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”
Little Johnny: “None.”
Teacher: “Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”
Little Johnny: “None.”
Teacher: “Can you explain that answer?”
Little Johnny: “One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left.”
Teacher: “Well, that isn’t the correct answer, but I like the way you think”
Little Johnny: “Teacher, can I ask a question?”
Teacher: “Sure.”
Little Johnny: “There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?”
Teacher: “The one sucking the cone.”
Little Johnny; "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think
Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous.
“Mom, I think I’m going to throw up!”
She told him, “I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you.”
So Little Johnny hauled ■■■ for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.
“Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?”
"I didn’t have to go that far, mom.
Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ‘‘Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?’’ When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ‘‘God Almighty !’’ shouted Mary and the teacher said, ‘‘Very good’’ and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ‘‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’’ But Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘‘Jesus Christ!’’ shouted Mary and the teacher said, ‘‘Very good,’’ and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ‘‘What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’’ And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ‘‘If you stick that ■■■■ thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’’ The Teacher fainted
There were these three guys at a football game and it just so happened that they were sitting behind three nuns. They couldn’t see really well over their habits, so one of the guys says, “Man, I wish I lived in Ohio, there are only 25 Catholics there.”
One of the other guys says, “Well, I wish I lived in Idaho because there are only 20 Catholics there.”
Then the last guy says, “Well, I wish I lived in Oregon there are only 15 Catholics there.”
Then one of the nuns turns around and says, "Why don’t you go to hell - there are no Catholics there