Arfa Job:
Sorry to say YES I’ve been there & done them all.
Also have you gone to through a ■■■ end out the window BUT it aint down & the zb burns like hell & your trying to put the embers out. I’ve done it quite a few times at night.
when i was a new driver trying to light a ■■■ i did drop a few out my gob. guess where they always land 
I’ve had a wasp come straight in the side window (summer time) and straight down my open neck shirt. Little ■■■■ stung me on the side of my ribs - ouch!!
The worse one though, was when I had a stinking cold. As I was driving along, a hearty cough brought up a right ‘oyster’ which I duly spat out of the window…
…only the window was closed!! 
It was ages before I could stop and scrape the ‘offender’ off the window. Thankfully, due to it’s consistency, it had only managed to crawl down the window a little bit. 
jessicas dad:
ive had a bee come through the window and i sat on it and it went down the crack of arse and stung me.
Were you driving naked or something??
Carl:
i woke up hit the brakes and hoped id stop in time then i realised he,d pulled in front of me while i was a sleep
god, and i thought i was the only one 
A mate of mine who was in front of me at the traffic lights, chucked his ■■■ out of the window, and I saw it go straight through the sunroof of the car in the outside lane 
. The car shot off right , never saw him again.
dave:
Carl:
i woke up hit the brakes and hoped id stop in time then i realised he,d pulled in front of me while i was a sleepgod, and i thought i was the only one
LMFAO
That so [zb]s you up when it happens
simon
On the bee theme. I was riding my motorbike on a summers day with the visor slightly open when a bee flew in and settled on my glasses. problem can’t take my helmet off without taking my glasses of first and there’s this bloody great bee sat on my glasses!.. So if you saw a biker on the side of the A57 near Worksop doing a stupid dance with his eyes shut it was probably me
Much to my mate’s disappointment he wasn’t there to see it and thankfully no-one else was either but whilst pulling for Viamaster’s I was uncoupling a trailer on a downhill slope in Jacuzzi’s bottom yard on the Euroway Ind Est in Bradford.
For some reason I pulled the pin before doing anything else and I absolutely 
myself when I saw the trailer swiftly slide off the fifth wheel and start rolling down the hill to the wall about 6ft behind it .
Not being able to think quick enough what to do for the best to stop the bloody thing, I did no more than grab hold of a couple of the curtain buckles on the trailer with both hands and attempted to hold the bloody thing and stop it from rolling 
. Yeah okay, a 14 stone me trying to hold back a 5 tonne trailer on a slope with the curtain buckles … Had to be seen
I had only just got a truck with a tuck-away tail lift and on my second delivery I was delivering pot insulators to London Underground. The truck was on a very slight slope, the pallet weighed 750kg, the tail lift doesn’t have any safety stops and as I’m manoeuvring the pallet onto the lift it ran away straight off the back of the truck 
Pallet landed wrong way up with the pallet truck at the top and the two lads out of the office came running when they heard the crash!! O)ne of them decided they could drive the fork lift after all and righted the pallet and took the rest off.
Fearing the worst we checked the pallet and not one insulator was broken!! . They signed the notes OK
Taught me several lessons that day.
Calv
While waiting to be loaded with a 32’ cabin at Barrow years back I was chatting to the banksman while they took the chains off. I glanced in the mirror and saw the slinger coming back down the ladder. After he removed the ladder I started to pull forward. Lots of yells,screams and waving of hands so I bangs on the brakes and checks the mirror again. Seems the slinger decided to do one corner at a time as the wind had got up and I was still hooked up to the crane by three legs. I dwanged the crane that hard it was still nodding after I left site 
Chrisie,the FM’s have a recall for a fault with the routing of the gear lever cables. My FM9 was in a couple of weeks ago to be done and reverse slots in no problem now.
CM:
Have not achieved any of the above, YET! but I did do a classic some years ago.Took an 8 leg tanker full of chicken fat to a farm in Norfolk and was trying to tip through the large botton dump valve, chicken fat was no co-operating so in an attempt to unblock it get broom handle pokes it up outlet pipe and yes, you guessed, it gave way and your truly was sent flying by a jet of chicken fat, ended up coverd from head to foot, made me feel ill, I stunk for days.
god it stinks in here
Some years ago, had two full roll cages containing cases of yoghurt roll off a tail-lift at the front door of a Kwik Save store, somewhere in London.
How about 4 x 7ft high pallets of damsons falling over in a reefer - they were on the back doors! Drowned in a sea of damsons!
Reversing a FLT in Spits Market, carrying an 8ft high pallet of button mushrooms. Dropped forks too quickly whilst still reversing quickly, button mushrooms flipping everywhere!
Had 12 pallets of Galia melons go over in Birmingham market, took 4 hours to restack and deliver to customer. Gets to Manchester market, unloads a tall pallet of nectarines and placed carefully on the floor. Pallet is leaning heavily to one side, pulls forks carefully from under pallet and walk off in search of an empty board to restack pallet. As I’m walking back to the leaning pallet, with the other pallet over my shoulder… Yes , you guessed it…!!!
Coming out of Waitrose Bracknell, going towards M4 on A327(M). Wasp flies in through the window, down the back of my shirt and stings me twice - [zb]me, did it hurt!
From reading all your comments, I’m not the only one then!
I bet it hurt, but I still had to edit bits of it. Lib .
dave:
- have you ever popped your head out the window to reverse, only to find you have not wound the window down
Yes. Or with the window only half way down. Result=teeth chewing glass!
I’m forever being intimate with the window. If it’s not from “kissing” the glass, then it’s coz i’m stuck like a siamese twin to the glass by my hair becoming trapped in the door, as i get in! It’s long (sit on stupid length). But never ■■■■■■■. I am a health and safety hazard. Waiting to be scalped by a passing curtain sider!
dave:
2. have you ever ducked because you just caught site of that pidgeon about to hit your side window, but when nothing happens you realise that it was that piece of wrag tied to your mirror
Nope dopey. But on an equally daft level, i had a habit of going to great lengths not to run lorry over things like:-
an empty carrier bag
an empty bottle
a brick
already dead squashed to a pulp animals
etc. (i think you get the picture!)
Er…don’t know what i was thinking of.
dave:
3. have you ever pulled right up to an obstacle ready for a reverse, and when you hit the gas, you realise that you aint in reverse, but one of them forward gears .
Yes. And doesn’t this look soooo professional when it happens!
dave:
4. ever left the hand brake off, see it roll away and stop it in time
Yes. Was only a 7.5t tho. But they still roll just the same!
Had a fly come in my open window at 56 down the M5 the other year, right into my mouth as I was inhaling from my ■■■ at the time… ne panicked pull off, and one odorous and messy cab…
dave:
3. have you ever pulled right up to an obstacle ready for a reverse, and when you hit the gas, you realise that you aint in reverse, but one of them forward gears .
I’ve been quietly waiting for someone to mention the Merc EPS box for this. I got myself in a right state with one of these whilst trying to reverse into a building site off a fairly major London road. I took a forward shunt and that was it. It simply refused to select reverse after that. I ended up nosed up to a lamp post on the other side of the road and everything stopped for 10 minutes until it gave in to my particular brand of stubborness
Yep, done all 4 in my time, glad to see i’m in good company !!
marcustandy:
jessicas dad:
ive had a bee come through the window and i sat on it and it went down the crack of arse and stung me.Were you driving naked or something??
oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh nnnnnnnnoooooooooo dont even think about that one.
no no i dont know how it got there i think i must have been leaning forward and then when i went back i crushed it 
Daf CF’s are the best ones for having live flying animals landing in your lap. The drivers mirror is in just the right place that if a Bee etc hits it, it gets deflected straight into your lap. Have had it happen numerous times (without being stung, thank god). Did you know that getting stung and sneezing are the only allowable defences in court for hitting a car up the rear end on a roundabout or junction (both are involuntary reactions), it’s one worth remembering
Great thread this one and it good to see i’m not the only one that can hitch up to a trailer and see it roll away.
What about ducking down at a low bridge even when you know you will go under it.
And is it only me who turns the radio down to reverse.
i turn the radio down when reversing it helps the concentraion honest