Hi all I drove for carline we had a new garage manager a driver came in and said his fifth wheel was playing up the manager said why come in here go see the tyre fitter he deals with wheels ,this bloke never driven a lorry in his life ,he took my marker lights of the front because lorrys shouldn’t be done up ,and reckoned spoilers use to much fuel so had them taken off a proper bell end 
Hi All.
Spannering for Biss Bros, driver phoned in stuck on the M4, motor would not start, out I goes peeing it down, gets out to him and he is on the sliproad, gets underneath and the water is running in me collar and out me boots, the field wire off the starter motor, puts it back on, starts no problems. How come it would not start on the slip road? why stop your engine on said slip road? answer, if he sat there for 2 hours he would be to late to get re loaded and could have an early night.
Sent out one morning to a tanker with a broken propshaft, never heard of a propshaft breaking, bolts coming out, U/J breaking up yes but not breaking, anyway, gets out to said motor looks underneath and low and behold the PTO shaft is torn in half, gets in the cab and takes it out of PTO, puts a bit of wire round the PTO shaft to hang it up and sends him on his way, he had done around 150 miles with the PTO in, seized the pump up solid.
Other fitter and myself went out to Colchester one Monday morning to rescue a broken down coach, cannot remember what the problem was but we had to tow it back to Bishops Stortford, the tow bar we had would not clamp round the front axle of the coach so the only way we could hook it up was a bit of chain round the axle and clamp on tow bar, the only bolt we could get through the links was a 7/16 bolt, anyway off we go and get around 7 or 8 miles before the bolt gives up the ghost, nether of us had another 7/16 bolt in our tool boxes, only ones we could find were holding the break lines on the unit we were towing with, think we used 5 bolts before we got the coach back to the yard.
Balloonie
Hi Balloonie ,you must have done well, HGV aged 28 then on the spanners, just what I wanted to do but never got the chance.
Late 70’s mid winter working out in the yard with my trainer Drew Harvey with an old 45 gallon drum fire going like a good un, I picked up a tin of easy start which had been thrown to the ground at some point and asked him how can an engine get addicted to this stuff, he gave me a full explanation of what excess amounts can do . I made a comment about how inflammable it must be & probably best I don’t throw it in the fire, he said only an idiot would do that, he told me to hand it over to him which I duly did, he turned and threw it into the fire, just at that moment the TM come out of his office who had only just come back to work a few days earlier after being off to recover from a heart attack, well this barrel must have jumped about three foot in the air and blew out most of its contents all over the place, The TM hit the deck and my first thought was, how is Drew going to explain his death, luckily he got up & you could see he was white & shaking, his first words were what the ■■■■ happened, as quick as a flash Drew turned round and said that idiot Dave threw a can of easy start in the fire, well the rollicking seemed to go on for ever, Drew made the tea for the rest of the week…
When I worked for Tilcon I had to tow in one of our Sed Ak 400’s that had the usual monthly expired Gardner engine problem on the M5. It was heading for Illminster, a regular drop. Anyway another truck of ours was going to the same drop so I loaded the straight bar on top of the load and rode down with its driver. Found sed Ak on the hard shoulder, reversed up to it and then found that the bar that fitted Fodens with no problems was too thick for the Sed Ak towing jaw! Reloaded the bar and came off at the next exit and found a country garage where a fitter used an angle grinder to take metal off of the bar. Hoping it was enough we went back to the truck and eureka, it fitted! Towed it to Illminster and tipped both loads and then dragged it back to our garage where I rebuilt the engine.
Another tow in was from Ipswich docks, a Foden powder tanker with the usual Gardner engine problems. Grabbed a spare eight legger and put about ten tonne on it and set off around 3pm with my trusty towbar! Freezing fog all the way down and visibility poor, hitched it up and set off back home. Got about an hour into the trip and much flashing of lights from behind so I pulled over. Poor ■■■■, the driver, was frozen half to death. He only had the knocking Gardner on tickover so no heat in the cab and his screen kept freezing over, we switched vehicles and he pulled me but it was a bloody cold ride back. We landed at midnight and left the tanker outside Dicks home in Hulland Ward and collected it next day in better weather!
Yet another tanker expired with gearbox problems on the M6 near Kendal on the way to Barrow so yet again I set off around 2pm and dragged it to the mill. Had a right job getting the load off, the gearbox kept jamming up but we managed it and pulled into Ballidon quarry around 2.30 am the following morning. I didn’t bother going to bed! 
Towed a Foden S83 tipper with a knocking Gardner in from Twyford near Winchester, unhitched it to reverse it into the garage. Our TM was standing watching us and asked “Is that going to be expensive?” and I told him that it might just need a new piston and a bore clean. Just then the engine gave a ‘cough’ and a gudgeon pin came out through the side of the block and rolled across the yard; “Now it has just got more expensive” I told the TM, he wasn’t impressed!! 
Pete.
About 1971 I loaded my Mastiff and 40’ van at Bowater Scott in Barrow with loo rolls. At the time you then headed into town before going out on Abbey Road (no Beatles on the crossings!) halfway along Ainslie Street, the nearside front wheel and hub came off and I came to a sharp stop. By a miracle, the wheel hit a garden wall (the gardens were only about 4’ wide) and stopped, so nobody was hurt. It did destroy the wall and the owner was not best pleased.
At the time my maintenance was done by Bould Irwin, just outside Ulverston. Their mechanic attended and I watched as he realised that the locking ring had not been tightened. Thus, the nut had loosened and fallen off, allowing the wheel and hub to part company with the axle. He started to tighten it up. I stopped him.
The week before, they had replaced the near side bearings.
Keith Irwin insisted that this was ‘an act of God’, so Bould Irwin were not responsible.
Maybe I should have realised that there was something wrong as I was driving it, but I hadn’t felt it.
The insurance assessor said that he thought that perhaps I was being failed by the people who maintained the truck.
I still think of that incident and thank providence that no young mother was wheeling a pram down the pavement.
John.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I almost had a similar incident but luckily noticed it purely by accident. Knocking off late (again!) one winters evening I switched the garage lights off in the office and then used a torch to negotiate round the two trucks and an open pit to reach the door. Why the light switch was at the opposite end of the garage to the door I never really understood! 
My torch just happened to shine on a small pool of oil under the n/side wheel on the first drive axle on my Foden so I looked underneath and could see the brake linings! Both hub nuts had come off and the halfshaft, hub and wheels were making a break for freedom. Stripped it down and the thread had gone in the nuts where they had been rattling around on the halfshaft, luckily we had another truck in the garage that came from a breakers yard and was being readied to replace my old one so I ‘borrowed’ the nuts from that but it could have been nasty when I headed for the quarry the following morning. It did happen to a lad with a Ford Cargo when we were running tarmac at nights to Doncaster, his hub and shaft etc came right out on the A6 at Ambergate but he was empty at the time.
Pete.
A firm I did a bit of spannering for got a new transport manager, and lost some good drivers soon after - the bloke was a proper ■■■■■■. The upshot was that for a while we had a fair number of agency drivers, some good, some not. One of them came into the garage one morning, and asked me to have a look at the brakelights on his Volvo F7. “Everything else works, but no stoplamps on the trailer”, so I wiggled the suzie and told him to press the brake - they all worked, and I left him to it. A few minutes later, he’s back, telling me I’m a crap mechanic because they still don’t work. I asked him to show me, so he went to the cab, pressed the brake pedal, then came back and showed me (with a big ‘told you so’ grin on his face) the non-working lights. So I educated him - I can just imagine him explaining proudly that night to anyone who’d listen how brakelights only work when you press the pedal…
And one from my bus company days. One of the old hands had an apprentice with him, rebuilding a Gardner 6LXB and re-fitting it in a Bristol VRT. Once everything was fastened up, the old guy goes down into the pit, and tells the young 'un to start it up. As he does, the old lad starts tapping on the chassis with his ‘toffee hammer’, in time with the engine speed, and shouts an urgent “whoa, turn it of, turn it off!”. The lad comes round the back, and gets given a main bearing cap. “Looks like you’ve left a bit out lad, it’ll all have to come out again”. All the fitters had gathered round and saw the apprentice turn white, panic in his eyes. They tormented him for a while before letting him in on the joke, he’d actually done a good job. There must be loads of tales of apprentices ‘coming of age’ ritual stories to be told.
Not just apprentices Fodenway, a senior fitter where I worked had a Bedford KM engine all stripped down and the parts cleaned and laid out on a sheet of cardboard ready for reassembly. However he had a day off for a funeral and one of the other lads found a spare gear in the ‘spares box’ and polished it up and placed it with the other parts. Several hours were lost while he tried to think just where it came from.
I also remember a fitter and his apprentice fitting a replacement engine in a BMC FFK, they had removed the cab, fitted the engine and replaced the cab and then started it up. All was well until they tried to move it, then the fitter noticed the clutch release bearing sitting on the bench! Being an ex RSM, and not known for having any sort of a calm nature, the release bearing was launched airborne and made rather a mess of the foreman’s office door!
Pete.
fodenway:
There must be loads of tales of apprentices ‘coming of age’ ritual stories to be told.
One of the more common ones was greasing the apprentice’s nuts. 
A new driver at Fridged Freight decided to freshen up his Scania 110 by repainting his front bumper red and white stripes. He carefully measured and masked off the bits that were red, waited till they were dry, then repeated the process with the white bits. The result was very professional but looked a little gaudy on a green and yellow unit. It took him best part of a weekend.
On the Monday morning the boss (Johnny Wyatt) went balistic when he saw it and made him rub it down and paint it over twice with green paint.
Johnny Wyatt was known as “Sticks” behind his back. He was about 5 ft tall and through Polio was on calipers on both legs. You never ever argued with him and won and he could swear like a cockney stevedore but with an Eton accent. I was in the office one day collecting my expenses when he arrived. In front of the three secreteries ( girls ) he clumped up to his desk, gripped the top and let out the biggest ■■■■ I have ever heard. With the comment “If they cut me off where that came from, There would be (EFF) all left”!!..Legend. Jim.
peggydeckboy:
Hi Balloonie ,you must have done well, HGV aged 28 then on the spanners, just what I wanted to do but never got the chance.
Hi peggydeckboy.
Spanners was only normally during the summer when we never had a lot of work for the tankers, my trouble was I got a bit above myself and dropped in the muck. The manager Bill Varney RIP was on holiday and the assistant manager said I want you to come off the road and help Dave Meyer (the fitter) and I will put another driver on your F88 doing wine, f*** that said I if there is work for my motor I want to do it or I quit, so I walked out thinking that I was indispensable (big headed git) and that when Bill came back off holiday he would phone me and reinstate me, well it never happened, I learned a big lesson that day, (only GOD is indispensable).
All the best.
Balloonie.
Ahh, yes Balloonie,
how right you are , but it did no harm did it. you just learned from it, I doubt drivers now days ever jack the job, from what I read some are only to please to have one. how was work slow on tankers in the summer. did you move wine around from Europe.dbp
My experiences a little different, I served my apprenticeship with BRS as a Diesel fitter which when completed resulted in me moving around some with other transport companies not really getting what I wanted which at that stage i didn’t know what I wanted so the cook and I came to OZ as a 10 quidders we thought a 2 year working holiday might give me some answers.
That resulted in a job with British Leyland Truck Division Perth WA and they flew me around the state doing warranty work mainly and I realised I had found a niche in life as the Australian bush and way of life offered many challenges even in every day mechanical problems like changing an engine on a bush track,I realise not everyones cup of billy tea but certainly quenched my thirst enough to want to take the next step and become self employed running a small transport company servicing a north west town several aboriginal communities travelling roads/ tracks that Outback truckers make a big deal out of they should have tried it in the 1970/80s and various stations making friends with people who lived and worked in isolation which relied on a certain type of person to succeed or at times survive,.
Eventually I decided becoming and Owner driver was worth a go and so that was what happened for the next 40 odd years.
I guess I have just about covered the tital of this thread.
Cheers Dig
peggydeckboy:
Ahh, yes Balloonie,
how right you are , but it did no harm did it. you just learned from it, I doubt drivers now days ever jack the job, from what I read some are only to please to have one. how was work slow on tankers in the summer. did you move wine around from Europe.dbp
Hi Again.
We done a lot of heating oil in the winter to small distribution companies, that work fell away during the spring, we would have to go to Burmah office in Thurrock and hang around hoping for a load, if not we might get loaded for the morning driver.
Only done wine mostly from Southampton to Manchester CO-OP, was undiluted Ros’e. Used to call in at home sometimes on the way and dip a gallon out the top (we were not supposed to have a manhole key) and I would think that cupboard under the stairs still stinks of the stuff, it was that strong that the sister in law had a small glass one night and we had to carry her home.
Lots of stories good and bad about spannering 24 hour a day, like doing a late shift on the tanks and getting back in the yard to find the night fitter (a driver who had a 6 month ban) trying to get a gearbox back in a Foden I think, poor old Sid was at his wits end, ok Sid I will stop and give you a hand, 1/2 hour later we were bolting it up and I went home. Or starting work at 7am in the yard and getting home at 7pm, back at 8pm until 11am the following morning.
Happy days, always something to learn or not as the case may be. You can mail me on balloonmans2003@gmail.com if you like.
balloonie.
When I was working for Tilcon as a fitter we had a powder tanker (Foden S39, DCH 359J based at Meriden sand pit) collect a GV9 for an air leak. The ministry demanded a fleet check, our fleet at that time was 40+ Foden eight wheelers based at three different quarries, so we had to prepare all of them for this fleet check. We started on saturday morning at 8am and worked through until evening, started again on sunday for a full day and restarted monday morning and worked through the night until 6am on the tuesday morning. One fitter was inspecting them, the rest of us were relining brakes, replacing balance beams and kingpins etc. Not getting home until 6.30 am I didn’t go back to the quarry until 9am (normal start time was 8am) and got stopped one hours pay for doing so! The ministry inspector arrived, had a look at one wagon and declared everything ok.
Got a call at home early one morning in the early 1980’s from our foreman; “Bert Weston wants a word with you, he has broken down on the way to Lenham” so Bert comes on the line. “Gearbox has packed up, I have Ged Handley’s tanker and I’m outside the bogs at Clapton Common, be quick as the coppers say I’m in the way” so still half asleep I have to register in my brain whereabouts in the universe Clapton Common was! Anyway off to the quarry, grab a tipper and put ten tonne on it and head off for the smoke! Several hours later I reach him, vehicle wont move at all so remove the propshaft, hook him up and then find somewhere to turn the lot around which wasn’t easy but we made it. Head back up the M1 and I pull in at the first services, Bert was not happy! I told him I needed a break; “Why, we are on log books so keep going and fill it in tonight, I have been waiting for you for hours” so off we crack again. Rather slow at times with a 180 Gardner dragging 50+ tonnes up the banks but we made it. Anyway we got back, blew the load off using another tanker and removed the gearbox. Phone rings, Bert again; “Can you chuck the two bottles in the cab that look like orange, they are full of ■■■■” and I told him that he was parked for hours outside the public toilets so why hadn’t he used them? “Only the ladies was open, you know what folk in London are like, they might have thought me a pervert”. Good old Bert, he has long gone now but we had some laughs with him at times!
Pete.
A short tale from Biss Bros.
While I was spannering I done a full service on one of the artic’s late one evening, packs up and went home. Following morning around 07.45 driving into work I finds the motor sitting on the road in the middle of Stortford and the driver sitting in the cab waiting for me, “whats wrong” “no idea he said, I started it up in the yard and got this far and it just died” so I tried it and it would not fire so start from the beginning, Fuel, loads, batteries, ok. Right bleed it on the pump, nothing, weird I thought, bleed the filter again nothing, even more weird, check the filter, right part number, back to yard to get old filter out of the bin, fitted it in the housing, bleed filter, ok, bleed pump, ok and away we go.
Any way back to yard Bill Varney going mad, what did you do wrong then, nothing said I, the filter was wrong in some way, got another delivered and checked it against the one I had took out and lo and behold the top plate on the filter was different than the other one, some how when the filter had been put together the wrong top plate had been fitted.
Another from Biss Bros.
Fitter Dave Meyer and myself working in the shop with an AEC over the pit, cab tilted with the head off, anyway one of the coach drivers (Captain Kid after the group) was giving it a lot of mouth, as he did sometimes and Dave told him to go away, he never took any notice so Dave said if you do not go away I will chuck this hammer at you, you would not dare said Captain, WRONG, hammer flies down the shop and straight through the windscreen of the AEC. Oh dear said I, what we going to do about that then, well I am going into the office and tell Bill that the screen fell out when we tipped the cab, and you are going to get a new screen to replace it, always hated putting screens in with a bit of soaped string tucked into the rubber.
norfolk:
Worked for a firm who ran a Glasgow Trunk most of the time we carried fruit so Truck had to go no matter what. I was drivers mate on this Seddon 4 wheeler that had a broken back spring so on return to yard it had to be changed a dodgy job at the best of times especially when loaded to the gunnels but we had done it many times before so got on with it. The Gaffer was sitting on a box next to the old Salamander oil stove (remember them ) smoking his pipe when just as we finished the jack slipped trapping the wiring loom agin the chassis causing a short , the Gaffer jumped up and knocked the top off the battery with a bar saving the whole thing going up in smoke. Now this grieved him cos he,d buggered a battery up but on examination it was found that the moter had electrics forward ( Headlights ect ) but nothing from the cab back, so he told us to tidy up the wiring with tape and he would be back in a few mins. The nightman ( Trunker ) was still waiting when the Gaffer appeared with 2 road lamps and a gallon of parafin, he proceeded to nail these to the rear of the waggon and stood back to admire his handiwork. That was it sorted as far as he was concerned but the Trunker asked " what about indicators " he was told to stick his hand out of the window , " But who can see my hand in the dark ?" put a white glove on was the reply, " What if i have to turn left ?" . There are no left turns between here and Glasgow was the reply… The fruit was duly delivered in Glasgow the next morning, the waggon reloaded and back down the next night, it was fixed at the weekend. !!!
Gordon Bennet Norfolk, Salamander oil stove that’s a name that I have not heard of in many a year, do they still use them ?
When I left school at fifteen I got a job as an apprentice motor mechanic in a garage that was in an old cotton mill. In the winter, it was my first job in the morning to syphon two gallons of diesel out of one of the lorries that was parked up in the yard using a five foot length of rubber hose pipe. Then I had to fill up the Salamander and fire it up. After about half an hour it used to be glowing red hot and the first time that I used it I thought that it was either going to take off or blow up but I shall never forget the taste of a gob full of diesel until I had mastered using that bit of hose pipe.
God, that sounds like a clip from a film, “there is nothing like the taste of diesel on a cold and frosty morning”. 
Salamander Heater.
Regards Steve.
I remember some of the lads would put a tab in their mouth and lean right forward to light it on the flame at the top of the salamander.
Never smoked in my life…
A lit salamander got knocked over in the garage one day, seem to remember lots of shouting and running around, no swearing though!!!
Tyneside
years ago driving a fleet master Foden , Sunday off so the boss puts the shovel driver on it for a Newport steelworks with lime . Phone goes Sunday night , " no work tomorrow come in at 8am " . Duly turned up at 8am , unit over the pit in bits . The guy rang up Sunday teatime to tell them that he couldn’t get 1st or second gear after Birmingham but had managed to get it home . Front n/s engine mount had collapsed , the gearstick was wedged on the engine cover , fan chewed up , fan belts shredded , radiator damaged and the clutch knackered he’d been setting off in 3rd high all the way home . Got to say the fitters pulled all the stops out and it was ready for the road Tuesday morning.