Q. What key can open any lock?
A. A Pi-key!
Round here, they’re using the Luto type box vans now, not just the greedy boarded tippers… 
I had it in Corley services with the “the garage has run out of diesel so oi was wondering if you could help me out”
When i replied that I was on vapours and was about to fill up myself (I wasn’t but…)
matey replied with
“ah roite roite , would ya like to buy some cheap diesel den!!!”
I had one follow me from the paydesk in a shell station and offer me £50 for my shell card,when I told him to go away in short jerky movements, he then tried to get me to fill him up on it.I noticed that he had everything in the window except a tax disc.
I had thought to report him but I reckon it would have been a waste of time, they’re used to getting pulled.