OLD… is when getting lucky means finding your car in the car park
OLD… is when an all nighter means not having to get up to the toilet
OLD… is when getting a bit of action means the fibre is working
OLD…is when the missus says “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you say "
“Pick one I can’t do both”
OLD… is when your friends compliment you on your alligator skin shoes and
you are barefoot
Oily
Old is when it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night. 
And VERY old (like wot I am), is when you can’t arsed.
At the end of the tax year HMRC sent an inspector to check the books of the synagogue, looking through the accounts the tax man turned to the Rabbi and said, “You seem to use a lot of candles, what happens to the left over bits and grease drippings?” the Rabbi replied “Ah! good question we save them and send them back to the candlemakers and for that they send us a free box of candles”.
The inspector was a bit disappointed with such a practical outcome, but ploughed on.
His next question was “What about your bread wafer purchases, what happens to all the crumbs?”
Rabbi was thinking this obnoxious inspector man is trying to catch me out and replied “We carefully collect the crumbs, send them back to the wafer maker and we get a free box of wafers in return”.
“I see” said the tax man, thinking of something else to trap the wary Rabbi with.
With a sly grin to himself he said " What do you do with the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform".
“Well inspector, here again we do not waste, we save them up for a year, send them to the Tax Office and in return they send us a complete prick”.
Cheers
Oily
Five years since we had a laugh 
so scrolling through the net news today came across this, an 81 year old scottish grandfather offering Alexa a few swear words, click on the video.
metro.co.uk/2018/01/06/amazon-ec … t-7209432/
Oily
oiltreader:
Five years since we had a laugh
metro.co.uk/2018/01/06/amazon-ec … t-7209432/
Oily
Bit of the same situation going on here then Oily 
FREEDOM!
youtube.com/watch?v=sAz_UvnUeuU
Coming up 3 years that’s no joke 
So… Hubby and wife Tesco shopping and he spots 24 cans of Stella for a tenner and into the trolley smartish “Oh no we can’t afford that put them back” says the wife, so trolleying along past the makeup the wife selects a £20 jar of face cream husband not at all happy “What’s going on, what are we spending £20 on that for” “it makes me beautiful” she said…“So does 24 cans of Stella and it’s half the funning price”
posted on wrong thread
the nodding donkey:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0
Superb 
Going to sing this to my gaffer tomorrow 
cheers Ray