Wednesday 01/10/08 Training day 3. Or; to plagiarise Franklin D. Roosevelt; “A date that will live in infamy!!”
We all know about Murphy’s Law. You know; “If something can go wrong, it wiill go wrong”. - that one.
I m sure most of us also know the corollary to Murphy’s Law: “Not only will something go wrong, but it will happen at the worst time or place possible”
Being an optimist; you know; one of those annoying “The glass is half full” types; I have never really given much credence to Murphy…Boy was I ever wrong!! 
There are also many cliches for those situations where one is unable to fully comprehend all of the information being given to you. “Can’t see the wood for the trees”, being a common one. Well…In aviation circles in the US (and maybe over here too, I just don’t know) we had a phrase to describe this. We would say that “His/her head was up and locked”. Translated as; “Head up their ■■■ and firmly locked in position!!”
Yesterday, my head was, “up, locked and superglued!!” Sheesh!!!
I should have known things were gonna be tough when, before we had even turned the key, I managed to ■■■■ up the tacho by writing the date American style i.e 10/01/08!! Maybe I ought to have given the keys back to Roger and gone home. But, remember what i said about being an optimist? “Oh well”, thinks I, “Things can only get better!”…HAH! 
Reversing exercise and sudden stop - perfect!!.. Begin period of being lulled into a false sense of security. I’m up first and…Into town we trot. First hour…pretty good. Rog not having to say too much…couple of minor niggles…duly noted…dare I say that…false sense of security was now building into complacency/self satisfaction??..Cue theme from Jaws!
Driver switch…Mike does well.
■■■/coffee break…spill coffee onto b…well, lets just say I looked like I had wet myself! …Is that a banjo I hear faintly in the background?
My turn…"We are entering a dimension, A dimension not of sight and sound, but of…we are entering the twilight zone!!
I will not bore you with a list of everything that went wrong, as it is easier to sum it up by saying what went right; and that is; I mounted and demounted the cab without falling over! That’s it! Pretty much everything else went to hell in a handbasket!
Just one example, then I leave the rest to your imagination!
I cannot remember the last time that i stalled a car. Yesterday, I stalled the truck…twice!!..In succession!!!..On the hill start!!..In front of a learner driver that had stopped to let me go!!..It was a girl!!..Her eyes got big as saucers 'coz second time, I rolled back about 3 feet!!
“That’s not so bad”, do I hear you say? Maybe not. But here was the thought process right prior to the little exercise. “Hmmmm, pretty steep little hill this, maybe I ought to use 3rd gear to pull away instead of 4th”…Pretty good thinking you may say. But, remember “Head up and locked”?..Think ‘Range switch’…Yep, you got it!..I tried to pull away in 7th!!..TWICE!!..FFS!! 
This was during a ‘Mock test’ when Roger was not supposed to be saying much other than to give directions. Well…I tell you what…He may not have been saying much, but the look on his face spoke volumes!! He might as well have had DUMB ■■■!! flashing on his forehead in green neon lights! LOL
By now I was hearing the theme tune from Deliverance and “Squeal like a pig, SUCKER!!!” running through my head.
The rest of the afternoon was truly horrible! Ego firmly deflated. Felt lower than snake sh…doodoo.
Lots of encouraging stuff from Roger. “Don’t worry about it”. “Learn from it and move on”. “Better today than on your test”. etc, etc. All the same stuff I have said to many a student Pilot over the years. But, honestly, by the time I got home, I was wondering if I should jack it in. Wondered if I had left it too late and was too old to be doing this. You know, “Old dog, new tricks”, that sort of thing. 
…
Fortunately (Or not depending on whom you speak to)…I am nothing if not a stubborn SOB!
Went back today…Absolutely Fabulous!!! Did not put a foot wrong all day!! Perfect 10’s on the training sheet…for everything!! WTF!!!
Cue Roger:…" Who are you and what have you done with Simon?"…LOL
Grinning from ear to ear all the way home!! 
Off to bed shortly. 6:00 a.m show at the training yard tomorrow!! Test at 9:00 a.m OMG Nervous or what? 
Thanks for taking the time to read these ‘ramblings’. Mucho apologies for going on…and on…and on…
Cheers,
Simon