Work 1 Family 0

Somebody once told me that this industry was the hardest to be in and have a family at the same time.
My god, how right was he.

I feel like my marriage and life is falling apart.
Before I became a driver I would get home from work, tidy up the house and start tea, pick the kids up from school and then collect the wife from work. I would then pop out for a run get back, have tea and playtime with kids, then it would be kids in bed and time for me and wife to sit and watch tv together. At the weekend I would be up early sorting breakfast, get out on bike for a couple of hours and then spend quality time with the family. Everyone worked together and did their bit. Everyone was happy, I was happy!

I started as a driver 6mth ago, since then everything has changed.
I start work at midnight which means no matter what i do I cannot sleep properly. I see the kids for an hour a day. I am tired all the time, so the time I am awake I am grumpy and irritable. I get no time to run or cycle any more. I cant be bothered to be honest. The same as I cant be bothered to help around the house. I work across the weekend, so that doesn’t help matters. Me and my wife spend no time together, when we do we argue, we shout at each other and say stuff we perhaps shouldn’t and don’t actually mean. She is angry that I don’t help any more, or spend any time with her or the kids. We have spoke about splitting up, getting a divorce. Both in anger and when calm. This isn’t what any of us want, but its also not a nice environment for the kids or us to be in. Nobody is happy any more!

I have asked for a shift change but that isn’t an option. I just keep looking for a different job that fits around my family a little bit better. I just hope my family lasts long enough.

I would never have thought that the job I love would be the job I also hate!

too true… if working with the local DIY place pays well I would be back like a shot for a better life.

Its never nice when things are that bad especially with kids involved I feel for you mate I really do, but without sounding like a prick you must have known when you took the job you would be working midnight shifts and weekends ? Like I said I’m not having ago at you maybe you could try class 2 tipper work ? I did it for a while and I usually started at 7 and was finished for 4. Would mean a lot more time with the family

Naa, u don’t sound like a prick. Lol.
Yes I knew what I was taking. Just didn’t know how it would affect things. Don’t know till ya try it and all that.

I would come off the road in an instant. There is so many jobs in transport, it doesn’t have to be like this though.
I quite liked working in the yard shunting and forklifting.
And there is a lot of driving jobs out there that are in fact between 8-12 hours a day.

sounds a crap situation, you need a ifferent shift or job.
easier said than done i know.

Pallet delivery work might suit you mate?

I done it for a little bit. Generally was a 9am start and finished roughly 5ish latest I ever got home was 7 on a bad day.

Hope you manage to fix things.

Don’t want to be rude…but which is more important…The Family or Job?..Or a sharper way of putting it…The Kids or Job ?

haribo4000:
Naa, u don’t sound like a prick. Lol.
Yes I knew what I was taking. Just didn’t know how it would affect things. Don’t know till ya try it and all that.

And are you the one who was having a pop at the ‘tossers’ who went on strike at Tosco Donny for complaining about just this thing?!

Life is crap ain’t it? But as you pointed out in the above thread not so long ago if you don’t like it get another job etc, etc.

Your situation now has been happening for god knows how long but YOU can now perhaps understand what really is important in life.

It certainly ain’t a shiny new truck, crap lifestyle and low wages.

Hope you can achieve the lifestyle you want but it probably won’t be in this game!!

Just saying like!!

fredthered:

haribo4000:
Naa, u don’t sound like a prick. Lol.
Yes I knew what I was taking. Just didn’t know how it would affect things. Don’t know till ya try it and all that.

And are you the one who was having a pop at the ‘tossers’ who went on strike at Tosco Donny for complaining about just this thing?!

Life is crap ain’t it? But as you pointed out in the above thread not so long ago if you don’t like it get another job etc, etc.

No, I was not having a ‘pop’. I was defending myself. This is a totally different subject altogether so why you felt the need to bring that into it I don’t know.
Thank you for the rest of your input though.

Awful thing to read, especially for someone like me who’s looking to make the move into driving after years in a cushy(ish) office job. I don’t have kids, but I know the longer hours and unsociable shifts are a concern to my other half, who thinks the job will have a negative impact on our relationship.

I’d echo what others have said and say you need to either push for a shift change, or get out of the job completely for a while until you can sort the problems out. Even if you have to take a break from driving for the time being while you work it out, it’s really not worth losing you kids and going through a divorce over. Hope you get sorted one way or another, good luck

You have got to find something else the famliy is more important than the job. I started driving about 12 years ago when i was single away 4 nights aweek and loved it when i met what is now my wife 5 years ago after about 6 months i left to work for an agency only doing days and im still there.

Do hope you sort it out mate, but you do need to act straight away though! I certainly wont be doing the job for much longer 2years max, i know my girlfriend doesnt like it that im away but being quite young with no family its not so bad.

In 2007 I found myself working midnight starts for a year. I had the option of taking a demotion to 17t driver (with a lower salary) on remain on lates, or stay C+E but have to take this God-awful shift. I told myself that if I ended up leaving, my pension would be better off for staying on night nights, so I put up with it.

On this shift, it was impossible to get overtime that coincided with the start/finish times, so my income actually fell for the period.

Firms used to offer the nasty shifts as overtime, but in these days of racing to the bottom, they would rather have it as compulsary duty on single time even if they had queues of folk still prepared to do it as Overtime.

One could see the compusary introduction of such shifts as “workplace bullying” since it’s often thrust at the driver on the basis of “It’s that, or a P45 pal.”

Once again, as I’ve said about other things, the solution is just to not put up with it, and walk away and find another job. No other job to be had? - Stop thinking of Agency as some kind of sponging scab option, and just do what’s right for you and yours instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks.

I’d rather by alive, with some degree of prosperity than losing my family, sanity, pay, & conditions - all for what exactly? - The employer is unlikely to show you much gratitude a few years down the line, when prosperity finally returns. Loyalty just isn’t rewarded any more, so just be mercenary and sit on the chair that suits you best.

I wonder if anyone has successfully sued for “constructive dismissal” when faced with the choice of a family-unfriendly shift or lose the job?

Since pushing for better pay is considered so out of the question these days, pushing for better T&Cs is about all there is left! It’s upto us all to draw a line in the sand, and stop doing what we don’t want to do.

Or maybe sit down & talk about what you both want & need do some time management not alway easy see if you can come to some compromise as it not worth losing your family over see if you can get back to your running & cycling it can be done have a look through here

viewforum.php?f=12

As there has been threads in there about this also about keeping fit while driving

I did once have a partner we were both drivers but he couldnt cope with my shifts & the way I worked at the time but he knew before we started what I did so though he would understand a bit more

There are many jobs that have such issues, it’s not just driving. In the entertainment industry it’s rife. As a pro musician, you can be away for months at a time and no relationship will stand that for long. But all manner of performers, directors, production staff etc etc. face the same problems when touring. I know musicians that haven’t been home for 18 months. But that’s why, without exception ,they are all single with no ties.

There’s a saying that when working on the ships or touring, the only musos that are still married are the ones that have their wives in the same band…and it’s pretty accurate. If you haven’t you’re likely heading for divorce.

No job is worth losing your family over…and driving certainly isn’t…it’s an average job at best and at worst it’s pretty appalling.

Get out of driving such poor shifts and enjoy your family…trucks will still be there long after the kids have grown up and left home …and good luck.

Have you tried adjusting your routine to fit in with your shift so you’re not as tired? When I did nights I came home and straight to bed, have 6 hours kip then up, waiting for another 5 or 6 hours before I had to go to work again! I soon worked out that if I stayed up and went to bed later and then got up an hour or so before my shift then I was alot less tired. That way you’re fresher for your shift and can do stuff when you get in! Just a thought.

Fileep:
Have you tried adjusting your routine to fit in with your shift so you’re not as tired? When I did nights I came home and straight to bed, have 6 hours kip then up, waiting for another 5 or 6 hours before I had to go to work again! I soon worked out that if I stayed up and went to bed later and then got up an hour or so before my shift then I was alot less tired. That way you’re fresher for your shift and can do stuff when you get in! Just a thought.

Doubt it would work here though as with a 12 hour shift the OP will be going to bed just as the kids come home from school…could be a solution though -just depends on the shift length really.

if it was me, i would walk away from the job…easy said i know, but i have lost a relationship included kids to a job tbh the relationship would have gone anyway but I lost time with my kids when they were young and I kick myself everyday for that!! I still have time with the kids who are now 17 and 21 but nothing will bring back those early years… getting a balance right is the most difficult thing to do…

i left a company i was tramping for for the exact same reason i now work for dhl no matter what people say most days i start at 4 am and am home around 3.30 pm 4 days a week and never work a weekend i do work my fith day though which is overtime and the money is ok its all about finding the right job their are a lot of crappy jobs around for crap money. Now me my family wife 1 kid and 2 kids from previous which ended due to working in car trade long days no time off every weekend working didnt make the same mistake twice