Bit of background first - I’ve been a 3.5t driver since the first lockdown, firstly for a supermarket then for a well know catalogue retailer that begins with A Both firms use Sprinters, the latter LWB. Although it’s not my normal “day job”, I really enjoyed the driving and was thinking of doing it longer term until this month.
About three weeks ago, I had a busy manifest, was running behind and I cocked up a manoeuver and hit a parked car. No injuries, no damage to the van but unfortunately I wrote the car off. Owner was very understanding, considering, but I was gutted with myself. In 23 years of driving I’ve never done anything like that and it was just a boneheaded moment. Employer were understanding too, but it goes as a strike on your record (three “at fault” incidents in two years and you’re off the road, normally you’d be retrained but that’s not possible at the moment). I had to also watch a video which depicted a real life scenario where a driver had killed two children.
A few days later, a dent was found on a van I’d driven that morning. I don’t believe it happened on my round, but I did miss it on my opening and closing van checks. It’s not the easiest dent to see even if you’re looking carefully. I got taken off the road pending an investigation, which somehow went up to disciplinary hearing, which found that I did do a complete van check and had no case to answer.
I’m back driving again, but I’m hating it and I’m so anxious I feel like my driving has completely gone to pot. I reversed into a car on my first trip out again (luckily going slowly enough to not damage anything, parking sensors also chose that moment to not work). Added to this, lockdown 3 has got to me more than last year did. Like everyone I just want life to get back to normal again, and I’ve started antidepressants. I know it’s not unusual to lose driving confidence with depression, and I’ve had a bit of a perfect storm of it.
What do I do? I feel that if I ask to come off driving and do warehouse only, I’ll never get back in a van again, and I want to try and stay on the horse, so to speak. But at the moment I feel like I’m another accident waiting to happen.
Maybe a break from driving would do you good , few months in a warehouse then have another go
Things happen , I had a small camping trailer, got home one day , disconnected it and went to put it in garage , our garage at time was on a steep incline , so to open garage door I let go of trailer & off it went down drive into front wing of car ( try explaining to insurance your trailer has hit your front wing !!! ) , then a little time later came home from tip , in reverse onto drive & bang , yes I’d forgot trailer & now smashed corner of car ( I blamed that on mrs hitting corner of house ) , previous year comming back from Devon I met a car , so decided to do the decent thing , reverse back ( bang ) , things happen , mrs made me sell trailer as she said I couldn’t bd trusted with one , it was only one of those little erde camping trailers
As I say things happen , i smashed a Capri up , by running into a concrete flower pot at Tony’s cafe , I smashed up cortina after hitting a lamppost in Grantham bus station , I put my dads new car in a ditch on the way back from raglan etc etc etc
Lorries I’ve been ok with , but cars , motorbikes it’s like the demolition derby when I’m about , as I say things happen
Oh did I tell you when I went to put my night out kit in car at end of week , for some reason I decided halfway through loading to reverse back a bit , so went back watching trailer behind me , and then a almighty crash , glass everywhere , I’d only forgot to close the hatchback , it had hit the trailer , busting the rear window
Anyway getting all my mishaps off my chest ( and there’s plenty more ) may not of helped you but it has me , chin up , as I say maybe have a break from driving for a living
Hope you have managed to find a bit of equilibrium in your work since you posted this up. Have you thought about doing something like a the Advanced Motorist Course? I went out with volunteer assessors and then did a test. It taught me to really look ahead and read road conditions better than I was before. A great confidence booster. Although there is a cost, £150, it’s probably cheaper than long term prescriptions if it gets your confidence back. Keep well.
Foden:
Have you thought about doing something like a the Advanced Motorist Course? I went out with volunteer assessors and then did a test. It taught me to really look ahead and read road conditions better than I was before. A great confidence booster. Although there is a cost, £150
If in the Leicester area I can help you for FREE
EX IAM senior observer for car and commercial
EX LGV instructor
We all have accidents, hopefully only ever small ones. Mo matter how serious though, they will all knock your confidence. The best thing to do is realise that it was a small, isolated incident, just one in god knows how many years of driving and try and get back to driving in the way you have for the rest of that time. Keep your chin up, and stick with it. Once you get a few (uneventful) miles under the belt, the confidence will quickly start to come back
Thank you for the support everyone. I’m pleased to report I’m still driving! I’m a lot more cautious than my colleagues, and I still hate doing difficult manoeuveurs - I’d rather park in an easy space and walk the drop in rather than doing something at all difficult. Now that it’s getting dark in the evenings again I’m remembering how much I disliked late shifts too. On the whole I’m OK 90% of the time but it doesn’t take much to rattle me even now. That said, being cautious and careful isn’t necessarily a bad thing either.
I’m still with the same company but I’m hoping to move to a car parts firm soon who use the tiny vans. The LWB sprinters are not doing my back and pelvis any good at all, I’m 5’1 and the seat doesn’t sufficiently adjust for my height. My pre-pandemic work is also returning to normal, but I do hope to retain a bit of driving work as I do enjoy it in spite of everything.
I’m glad to see that mental health is being talked about on this forum. Being on your own for hours or days with nothing to do but drive and dwell on problems is a bit of a perfect storm for depression. It’s easy for mental health issues to impact on driving ability and confidence, so the more that drivers feel they can get support, the better and safer for everyone.
Both firms use Sprinters, the latter LWB. Although it’s not my normal “day job”, I really enjoyed the driving and was thinking of doing it longer term until this month.