Another on for you… A few years later on he had progressed to quite a sizeable fleet, Guy big J,s , Fodens, Atkis, Volvo 86,s ect. One of the drivers who drove an 86 and was a bit fussy about it kept complaining that the engine had a " Missfire " on it . It was in and out the workshop but nothing was found, he wasnt a happy bunny and everyweek for about 2 months kept leaving a defect sheet with Engine misfire on it ,this eventualy became Engine missing ( capital letters and underlined !!! ) the battle of wills continued until one Monday morning much laughter was going on in the yard and the driverin question went stomping out the yard in a right temper , there in his pidgeon hole was a note it said simply " Engine located under bonnet " !!! He never complained again !
The boss was standing at the clock one morning when Harry the joiner came in late as usual. You should have been at 8 o,clock Harry old son he said, Harry replied why what happened.
Harry clock off early that night he said, “never be late twice in a day, if your late getting here don’t be late going home”
Regards Ken
A old driver called Fred worked for a firm with 25 lorries which I drove for. He had been complaining for some time about the Dodge K series that he drove was using a lot of oil. After a few days with nothing done, the TM asked him after he drove into the yard " is that lorry still using oil Fred ? ".
Fred said no I’ve cured that. What did you do asked the TM. Stopped putting any oil in her replied Fred. True story.
Cheers Dave.
Got a puncture one day, rang up and said George I’ve got a flat…and before I finished he said, “I’m very pleased for you, is it a 1 or 2 bedroom” then put the phone down.
Ray
A bit off thread. We had a note with our wages instructing us to phone in when empty, reverse charges. After about 20 drops round london in a 3 ton Terrier I got on the blower but the operator couldn’t get an answer. I was tired, fed up and got angry. (Iknow Iknow) Told her to check the number again and again cos she was ringing a factory that employed about 500 people mid afternoon, mid week. Banged the phone down and drove back to Thetford. There had been a bomb scare and the factory had been evacuated… Jim. 
Early days we only carried fruit to all the fruit markets we had a selected call box in them and at specified time
ie;; 7.00 am we woul call each other reversing the charges
Any of you Lads ever came across this,when i drove for Wimpey in Lancaster Rd Southall in the late 60s a Driver called BobTrump had a AEC Mercury Ergomatic Cab coupled to a Lowloader, himself and a Mate got into it one Morn was sitting filling in his Logsheet slightly revving the Engine when the Gearbox blew up into a load of bits and blew holes in the Mudwings and the Cab Floor, AEC said Pressure had built up in the Gearbox and the the Breather had got blocked or something, the explosion was heard all over Central Plant.
Ben.
In the old days our fitters checked the gearbox breather at every service, especially on the bulk tipping vehicles as coal dust could intensify the problem. I remember the foreman reminding them that the new Big Js had AEC boxes and to pay the same attention to those.
Jam man, Same as yourself, used to del London markets run down to Paddock Wood ( for reloading at Henleys or out the railway carriages ) our "office " was the telephone box on the industrial estate .
A little story about a mistake I made One of Richard Reads ERF,s parked on the top yard.Driver who I wont name overslept jumped in,batterys flat.Dragged the Startall device and all the cables across the yard.Driver flapping got to go before Richard came in! So fetched the bloody Douglas and put the straight bar on.Intending to tow it up the road but no trade plates available so change of plan.As anyone who has been to Read,s yard knows the bottom yard is down a slope.So off we go down the slope.Lorry starts,driver dips clutch and pushes Douglas back end round.I ended up coming back up while ERF continues down.Head board of trailor is just a few inches from me in the cab.O/S of cab is damaged 
An 8 wheeler is needed to pull Douglas sideways to get the bar off.Richard came in and is not happy 
I have talked to him years later about this incident as he blamed me.However he did let me take the unit to Nash and Morgans which was regarded as treat.
Another Douglas story,dont read any farther ROF 
Fred Watkins son called Richard.s to attend one of his lorries with flat batteries at his farm in Mitcheldean.I got the job along with my father who also worked at Read,s.On the way we had a bit of a cab fight 
I lost control and went through a hedge.Select 4 wheel drive to reverse out,no chance So decided to drive in a circle to get out,again no chance.Richard showed up.Why did’nt you attach the winch rope to that tree and pull yourself out Anyone driving down Plump hill could see my handy work on the field for YEARS! Now the best bit,Watkins sent Richard a bill for the hedge and he sent one for two blokes and the Dougy.Case closed.I did have some success with the Douglas though.Pulled one of Freemans dozer out of a hole and pulled a tree up a bank for Ivor Read when he went back to timber work for a while.
Got into the depot one Sunday mid morning to check over the units and trailers that were going down the road at lunch time,gave the guard dog a run in the field and his Sunday lunch,just a normal Sunday morning,or so I thought eh!.Opens the personel door into the Workshop and (this all happened in split seconds) I glanced up and just 4 or 5 feet above my head was a “body” hanging from one of the beams,with a note stuck on the soles of it’s shoes addressed to me ! In the next nano seconds,I said ■■■■■■■ J. C.#**+/ for ■■■■■ sake !!! 
I quickly realised it was a tailors dummy that the mechanics and a driver or two must have slung up last thing Saturday afternoon,the shoes were a pair of my old ones they had got hold of and it had a Drivers uniform on as well.We had put a few new Scanias into service at the time so the note reads something like " Dear Boss,as you did not give me one of the new motors and I’m not getting on with her indoors very well at the moment I’ve decided to top my-self and you and her are to blame,give such and such driver my CB,Yours Sick as a dead parrot" Name of actual driver who was alive and kicking with held 
I couldn’t help but laugh afterwards but it was quite a shock,if I’d been of a highly strung disposition I could have been laid on the floor croaked and never knowing that it was just a prank,I cut it down and when it hit the deck the Rotweiler set about it and give “the corpse” a right bloody towselling so if it wasn’t dead already it sure was after he’d finished with it.Happy days,Cheers Bewick.
leylandlover:
Another Douglas story,dont read any farther ROF
NO COMMENT! 
Other than to say I’m glad I’m not the only one to get myself into a scrape then panic trying to get myself out of the sh*t before anyone noticed!
I loved your story Bewick,it kept a smile on my face all day. Your blokes certainly had a wicked sense of humour.Regarding drivers and new lorries.Richard Read got hold of an ERF straight from Earls Court,It should have gone to Showerings.Well once it was decided who got it the other drivers greased the door handle so the poor sod had to get himself cleaned up before setting off.
A firm I once worked he quite a few AEC,S, one of the F regs had diff problems , So the forman fitter took the diff out of J REG Which was only a few months old and swapped them over & claimed on the warranty system, Regards Larry.
Heres another one.A well known Forest Haulier had two J4 service vans.I was asked to inspect them to pick out the best as a new van was being sought.Well the best one had a noisy gearbox.So service bay closed up with both vans over the pit Two men removed gearboxes and passed one another in the pit
Lawrence Dunbar:
A firm I once worked he quite a few AEC,S, one of the F regs had diff problems , So the forman fitter took the diff out of J REG Which was only a few months old and swapped them over & claimed on the warranty system, Regards Larry.
Tried that once, it did’nt work. Sent a diff back to Atkinsons under warranty. They asked me to go and look at it after they had striped it down, all the gears etc. were date stamped. They said there was no way a year old motor could have a five year old diff in it, beat for words
Regard Ken
Another one,One of Richard Reads 8 legger had the wheel bearing give up in Raglan cafe,funny how whatever happened to lorries they always get to a cafe Man despatched with new bearings etc.2nd steer o/s. Mechanic returns to Longhope,A little later Richard talks to the man who done the job,(No not me) The driver had got to the pit in Wales to be informed,We dont load 7 wheelers!!! The o/s second steer had detached itself and was found some time later after taking out someones hedge and garden shed! However when it was collected it was found that the stub axle had snapped between the inner and outer bearing.The stub axle was returned to ERF.It had never happened before! No one hurt but it could have been very serious.
And another.ERF tractor with powerfull 6LW in Wales with fuel trouble.I got there checked fuel line etc but could not find out where the air was getting in.Then thought it must be the lift pump but took the bowl off first to find it had rust holes in A bit of chewing gum rebleed it and got it back.
One more.One of Richards ERF broke down in Wales,wont build the air up.A car garage had put a piece of heater hose on the compressor earlier in the day 
Its funny how heater hose wont take 120psi