runaroundtel… I’m the one that asked for opinions, not lucy, so don’t give her a hard time about it. And you’ll have to forgive me, but what you’ve said in this post has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. This isn’t a discussion about child support or how many fathers don’t want to pay it, or how many fathers don’t want to be a part of the childrens life. Sure it’s easier for fathers to walk away… and many choose to do just that. But this is about those that DON’T, and the fact that they’re being denied the right to act as a parent to their children, whether by the court system or by custodial parents who ignore the visitation order. It’s obviously more of an issue for men, women usually maintain custody, but that isn’t always the case. And to deny fathers (or mothers) access to their children based on the fact that others have chosen not to bother is ridiculous. You cannot punish the children because history has shown that other fathers weren’t as responsible or interested in their own children. Each case should be treated individually… not based on history or precedent that was set by irresponsible fathers.
One major problem in all this is that, just like you, people are equating child support payments with visitation. The two issues are separate. Visitation should NOT be denied because of lack of payment… nor should visitation be awarded based on making payments. Financial support of the child has nothing to do with that. Unless the non custodial parent is neglectful or abusive, there is NO good reason to deny visitation… whether they are capable of making regular child support payments or not. Children don’t love their parents based on the size of the check they write. My son’s father is late with child support payment regularly… that has nothing to do with how often he gets to see him. The financial issue is between him and I… his relationship with our son is between the two of them. I have no right to interfere as long as he continues to treat him well. What should I say to my son… “no you can’t see dad this weekend, he didn’t pay me yet■■?”… how stupid and petty is that? It’s true that some fathers find it easy to donate sperm and walk away at the first sign of relationship problems… but credit should be given to those that make it a priority to fulfill their obligation to their children… and even more than that… don’t see it as an obligation, but are genuinely dedicated to being parents.
I’m quite offended this statement that you made…
Now for a woman, there is NO doubt that she is the Mum
This is an old attitude… where fathers claim that they aren’t the real father in order to avoid financial support and justify walking away from their children. For them to all of a sudden suggest they aren’t the natural father because the relationship failed is not only a huge insult to the mother, but also to the child. Parenthood doesn’t exist for men only in the context of marriage or a stable relationship. This is done to compromise the mothers reputation, and to avoid their responsibilities. It’s just crap, and I for one, am sick of hearing men say it!!!
Women are constantly complaining about how fathers walk away and don’t partipate in the childs life after divorce, and how hard it is on the child… so why make it so difficult for those that want to participate and act as the father they should be?