Fines for not winding the handle up far enough will now revert to GBP from Euros beforehand (Per underturn)
Temperatures for “open neck procedure” will now be based on the cabin temperature on the limiter, instead of stationary, so the heat of the engine gives a false reading.
You may now take your green tie off when the Cabin Temperature reaches 25 degrees. Don’t forget to submit your meal receipts to obtain the meal allowances as part of your wage.
The new word for “Remain” is now “Ongoing Brexit.” Non-Brexit shall no longer be spoken of as having been “kicked down the road”, since “Kicking” is now recognized as a hate crime.
The 1968 Vienna Agreement shall now be superceded by “Shuddupayourface” for the number one spot.
Drivers are not to speak to other drivers, unless they are wearing full PPM kit. Drivers not wearing the full kit, are to be challenged in their own language only, or you must go to the back of the tip queue. “Ignorance is no defence.”
Two drivers shall not be permitted in the rest rooms at once - unless they are both female.
Urban trailers are no longer permitted to drive inside the M25 - by order of the Mayor.
Transport Office Staff shall not use more than two fingers to type with. Actual qualified typists shall be laid off with a forthcoming generous redundancy package. In the name of “Diversity” there shall always be a balance of at least 50% of office staff who are intellectually challenged enough to struggle over one or two lumps of sugar in everyone’s coffee. Over-qualified staff are first-in-line for any forthcoming “Managing the surplus framework” redudancy packages.