Depression and lorry driving

[4yorks]

For the past few weeks I've been unbelievably depressed with very good reason. My relationship of two years has broken down due to her moving back to South africa where she was originally from.

She was in the UK on a temporary visa and the government suddenly decided she wasn't eligible for it to be renewed so she had to return back home. Now with this Job that we all do and thus being alone all day, if you go to work with a small Problem, it's a huge problem but the time you finish. It's literally just in your head all day long burrowing away at you.

I've felt this way since number November but recently it's being getting much worse. Now I'm tempted to go to the doctors to see if I can get something to help but I've heard rumors about them informing the traffic commissioner and thus the dvla which would suspend my licence. Does anyone have any experience of this? If I said I worked in a warehouse or a shop would they know?
Thanks

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[Darkside]

Without wishing to appear flippant, if you have been 'unbelievably depressed', you would know you can't get out of bed in the morning, let alone drive a truck.

The GP will not inform the DVLA, so get yourself there. Do not try to drink it away.

[chester1]

Not being flippant but if this relaionship ment so much why not go to south Africa with her . The doctor wont need to inform dvsa just for bog standard happy pills . Clinical depression is another matter completly

[4yorks]

Not being flippant but if this relaionship ment so much why not go to south Africa with her . The doctor wont need to inform dvsa just for bog standard happy pills . Clinical depression is another matter completly

I can't go there Becuase of a criminal record involving drugs ( weed) when I was 18. Its on the police certificate and you need to be an outstanding member of the community to move there

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[Beetlejuice]

Real depression will completely diabilitate you ,I would say try to speak to your gp or nurse ,Are you still together with her ?Did you try to get a visiting visa to see her ? Lets face it you have many options to look into.Just think possitively if its meant to be you will find a way .Try not to get involved with meds .

[4yorks]

I can go there for 90 days visa free but can't live nor work there. Plus I can't get 90 days off work a year paid. I know it's likely over but we were together for 2 years and I've felt this way since about November time

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[Beetlejuice]

I can go there for 90 days visa free but can't live nor work there. Plus I can't get 90 days off work a year paid. I know it's likely over but we were together for 2 years and I've felt this way since about November time

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You have to live for you and stop thinking about it ,It is hard believe me ,I am still mopeing around , three years after parting with my ex and youngest son .we were together ten years and did everything together .I see my Son 4 times a month ,Believe me thats hard to bare.
Take positives from your relationship and try to move forward without beating yourself up at work .your not concentrating and could cause an accident ...

[4yorks]

I can go there for 90 days visa free but can't live nor work there. Plus I can't get 90 days off work a year paid. I know it's likely over but we were together for 2 years and I've felt this way since about November time

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You have to live for you and stop thinking about it ,It is hard believe me ,I am still mopeing around , three years after parting with my ex and youngest son .we were together ten years and did everything together .I see my Son 4 times a month ,Believe me thats hard to bare.
Take positives from your relationship and try to move forward without beating yourself up at work .your not concentrating and could cause an accident ...

Believe me I've been told the exact same thing. I don't want to sound too morbid but I really loved her. Like you we did everything together, we traveled most of the UK and Scotland. Went for meals, to the zoo and did literally everything together . it's hard to adjust going from that and living together to working and living alone now. It's like a huge part of me is missing and I can't get over it.

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[albion]

I can go there for 90 days visa free but can't live nor work there. Plus I can't get 90 days off work a year paid. I know it's likely over but we were together for 2 years and I've felt this way since about November time

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You have to live for you and stop thinking about it ,It is hard believe me ,I am still mopeing around , three years after parting with my ex and youngest son .we were together ten years and did everything together .I see my Son 4 times a month ,Believe me thats hard to bare.
Take positives from your relationship and try to move forward without beating yourself up at work .your not concentrating and could cause an accident ...

Believe me I've been told the exact same thing. I don't want to sound too morbid but I really loved her. Like you we did everything together, we traveled most of the UK and Scotland. Went for meals, to the zoo and did literally everything together . it's hard to adjust going from that and living together to working and living alone now. It's like a huge part of me is missing and I can't get over it.

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November is not long and frankly this time of year doesn't help.

This might sound a bit daft, but it helped me when I went through a split. As you find your self overthinking, as you say easy to do on your own, try thinking - or saying out loud when you can, STOP. Say your thought is, ' I miss Louise and I'll never find someone like her again', get into the habit of saying ' I miss Louise and I'll never STOP'. Keep trying and you'll get to the stage of, 'I miss STOP'. It sounds bonkers, but it does help. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with putting aside a small amount of time to have a whinge, it's a type of grief, you are having to re-assess your future.

The other thing to try is that being in the present stuff. Trust me I'm the least New Age-y person you can imagine, but try and find some point in the day when you just can take a minute out and think, right at this very moment, I'm warm, the sky is blue, I'm healthy, there is nothing wrong with this moment.

I know it sounds like idiocy, but the mind works in mysterious ways and it may help.

And of course that old adage, time really does heal.

[muckles]

I’m sure there are levels of depression, but my experience of having a very good friend with diagnosed depression is that the "Black Dog" can visit at any time without reason and bring him right down and won’t even open the door to friends or family. Been some scary times over the years where we thought we’d lose him despite the best efforts of the medical profession, family and friends.

I wouldn't dare say whether you’re properly clinically depressed or not, but you’ve just had a relationship breakdown, it’s winter in the UK, long nights, short days, I assume you’re alone in a truck a lot of the time, so have loads of time to run over what went wrong in your head and beat yourself up about it and about your life. Been their and seen other friends there as well, when life kicks them in the balls.

Before you try the pills, have you talked it through with somebody, either a really good friend who you can trust or professional counselling? Sometimes just getting somebody to listen to you can get things in perspective in your head, they often don’t have to say anything much.

Seems like Albion has similar thoughts to me.

[Beetlejuice]

I can go there for 90 days visa free but can't live nor work there. Plus I can't get 90 days off work a year paid. I know it's likely over but we were together for 2 years and I've felt this way since about November time

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You have to live for you and stop thinking about it ,It is hard believe me ,I am still mopeing around , three years after parting with my ex and youngest son .we were together ten years and did everything together .I see my Son 4 times a month ,Believe me thats hard to bare.
Take positives from your relationship and try to move forward without beating yourself up at work .your not concentrating and could cause an accident ...

Believe me I've been told the exact same thing. I don't want to sound too morbid but I really loved her. Like you we did everything together, we traveled most of the UK and Scotland. Went for meals, to the zoo and did literally everything together . it's hard to adjust going from that and living together to working and living alone now. It's like a huge part of me is missing and I can't get over it.

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Just getting it off your mind today will help .You must concentrate on the positives pal.Like Albion said get some possitive affirmations going .
I am happy, i feel good today etc .keep looking for the positives of the day .

[GasGas]

You aren't depressed, my friend, you are just feeling very sad...and understandably so.

Relationship breakdowns are painful...and yours is one of the most painful set of circumstances there can be, other than death.

So, there's nothing wrong with you at all...your feelings are perfectly normal.

Just a question...you clearly love this person. Could you marry her, and would that make it any easier for you to be together here or there?

Sorry if any of this seems trite.

[chester1]

You aren't depressed, my friend, you are just feeling very sad...and understandably so.

Relationship breakdowns are painful...and yours is one of the most painful set of circumstances there can be, other than death.

So, there's nothing wrong with you at all...your feelings are perfectly normal.

Just a question...you clearly love this person. Could you marry her, and would that make it any easier for you to be together here or there?

Sorry if any of this seems trite.

Getting married at this point will not help . Immigration see it as a marriage of convenience. The best bet is to try find a third countrie

[4yorks]

marriage here in the UK isn't an option as you need interview after interview. Plus you need I believe £100,000 in the bank, which I don't have. Marriage is SA is a similar setup, interview with immigration officers and you need to convince them it's not a marriage of convince. Plus they also need a police check too so marriage won't necessarily equal living there unfortunately

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[Rat67]

4yorks, speaking from personal experience, go to see your doctor. I had really bad depression a few years back and let it get to the point where it was seriously screwing up my life. The doctor won't inform dvla/tc unless you're actually feeling suicidal and he/she thinks you're a danger to yourself and especially other people. They may prescribe anti-depressants or they may just provide therapy where you talk it out with a counsellor.
You don't sound like you're in a full blown meltdown YET, but it's surprising how quick it can develop into not wanting to get out of bed and thinking you'd be better off dead. You know you've got a problem, so please, go see your doc.

[4yorks]

4yorks, speaking from personal experience, go to see your doctor. I had really bad depression a few years back and let it get to the point where it was seriously screwing up my life. The doctor won't inform dvla/tc unless you're actually feeling suicidal and he/she thinks you're a danger to yourself and especially other people. They may prescribe anti-depressants or they may just provide therapy where you talk it out with a counsellor.
You don't sound like you're in a full blown meltdown YET, but it's surprising how quick it can develop into not wanting to get out of bed and thinking you'd be better off dead. You know you've got a problem, so please, go see your doc.

Thanks Ray67. I went to the doctors and they said the next appointment is on the 9th of March! So it's a good job I'm not feeling suicidal. All I know is every day is a struggle. I go to work but don't look forward to it( and I generally enjoy my job) I've canceled all my guaranteed overtime though and only do my basic 40 hours a week now . Iam close to just calling in sick for a week. As I say it's generally worse at work than anywhere else as I'm alone all day long with my thoughts. On my days off I walk the dog, visit friends, go shopping, wash / hoover the car and and just do general things to keep me occupied. I just get bad thoughts in my mind, I think things I shouldn't think and knowing that the good times are over so to speak is what depreases me.

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[corij]

might be worth having a word with your boss,he may be able to wangle a proper working visa here. i know that if a person has a guaranteed job offer here its a lot easier to get a visa processed than when you are a jobless no invite type of person

[dri-diddly-iver]

I'll echo what rat67 put and also have similar experiences. Briefly, cus I don't want to bore people that know - I have been ill since September 2016 and since then I have had problems. I am on antidepressants now (as well of a mixture of other medication) because of my situation. I too have split up from my wife (it would be our 25th anniversary in June) but the difference is we still live together but lead separate lives...not easy because I haven't done anything wrong except get ill

I would definitely suggest going to your gp!

[albion]

A friend of mine has used this service

https://www.pushdoctor.co.uk/

It does cost £20.00 and yes you shouldn't have to pay, but sometimes it's easier and you could speak to someone today. If you need a prescription, it's emailed to your pharmacy.

[Beetlejuice]

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

[BIG AW]

Without tying to sound a hard arse ur not depressed your love sick and to say all this on a lorry drivers forum is asking for the micky take [zb] me surly you have friends and family you could talk to first ,and before you all jump on the "you don't know what its like " till it happens to you ive been there and done it for a damm site better reason than my girlfriend [zb] off half way round the world proper depression puts you in a world of utter darkness which one lad as said you cant get out of bed in the morning nevermind go to work because you don't give a [zb] about anything, sorry for your lass [zb] off but this site is the last place to ask advice on something as serious as depression if your that unhappy you would do anything to be with her ,sorry mate get a [zb] grip.

[neilp1982]

Without tying to sound a hard arse ur not depressed your love sick and to say all this on a lorry drivers forum is asking for the micky take [zb] me surly you have friends and family you could talk to first ,and before you all jump on the "you don't know what its like " till it happens to you ive been there and done it for a damm site better reason than my girlfriend [zb] off half way round the world proper depression puts you in a world of utter darkness which one lad as said you cant get out of bed in the morning nevermind go to work because you don't give a [zb] about anything, sorry for your lass [zb] off but this site is the last place to ask advice on something as serious as depression if your that unhappy you would do anything to be with her ,sorry mate get a [zb] grip.

With the greatest of respect, [zb]. Depression is depression, we all deal with it in different ways, some can't get out of bed in the morning, some consider taking their own life, some just have days/weeks where they want to be left alone. I've been there, my job cost me my relationship also, just because the dude doesn't have the more extreme side of depression doesn't mean he isn't depressed.

Proper depression my arse.

Back to the OP, sorry to hear it m8, been there myself, lost my partner because of my job, speak to your GP, see what happens from there, may give you counselling also, no matter what happens, all the best and I hope you can either work something out or get yourself right.

[chester1]

Without tying to sound a hard arse ur not depressed your love sick and to say all this on a lorry drivers forum is asking for the micky take [zb] me surly you have friends and family you could talk to first ,and before you all jump on the "you don't know what its like " till it happens to you ive been there and done it for a damm site better reason than my girlfriend [zb] off half way round the world proper depression puts you in a world of utter darkness which one lad as said you cant get out of bed in the morning nevermind go to work because you don't give a [zb] about anything, sorry for your lass [zb] off but this site is the last place to ask advice on something as serious as depression if your that unhappy you would do anything to be with her ,sorry mate get a [zb] grip.

With the greatest of respect, [zb]. Depression is depression, we all deal with it in different ways, some can't get out of bed in the morning, some consider taking their own life, some just have days/weeks where they want to be left alone. I've been there, my job cost me my relationship also, just because the dude doesn't have the more extreme side of depression doesn't mean he isn't depressed.

Proper depression my arse.

Back to the OP, sorry to hear it m8, been there myself, lost my partner because of my job, speak to your GP, see what happens from there, may give you counselling also, no matter what happens, all the best and I hope you can either work something out or get yourself right.

How can you lose a relationship thru a job? if the relationship is right a job won’t matter .

[Richard8]

When I was driving many years ago (about ten) my wife always used to get up with me to make my pack up what ever time, but I found myself getting to the door and not wanting to go to work I would just cry and to this day I can't say why. I was doing ridiculous hours as we all do and it was a week about but I think it was a lot of small things making me feel that way.
I was lucky as my wife was and remains to this day very supportive and she can see when I start to get down, (probably before I do) and I trust her to be honest with me. Now I know it's not the main reason for depression but stress and tiredness can be a factor as since I've changed jobs I feel much able to manage the way I feel.
Like another poster said drink ain't the answer and November seems along way away (start your Christmas shopping now) but life has a way of surprising us all whe it comes to relationships.
I met my wife in Tenerife in the 90s I lived in Peterborough and she in Boness Scotland, the rail companies made a few quid along with Royal Mail and BT, but we got there 20 years married this year (top lady) what I am trying to say is we all get there in the end and I am sure you will be with your young lady soon so stay positive good things do happen.

[TiredAndEmotional]

marriage here in the UK isn't an option as you need interview after interview. Plus you need I believe £100,000 in the bank, which I don't have. Marriage is SA is a similar setup, interview with immigration officers and you need to convince them it's not a marriage of convince. Plus they also need a police check too so marriage won't necessarily equal living there unfortunately

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I'd be very surprised if that was true. And I'd change my surgery if I couldn't get any appointment before the end of the week.

[bigvern1]

Depression is a [zb]! I have suffered with it for years and it NEVER goes away!

[animal]

Depression is a [zb]! I have suffered with it for years and it NEVER goes away!

You just learn different way to control it most of the time


A mate of mine went to SA for a woman they married came back here ( she happened to be a gold digger ) he found out the hard way they divorced she went back to SA he went downhill for a while but has pulled back although still has bad days but has had a lot of help form family & friends

Good luck just keep going till your appointment unless you can get 1 sooner

There is no quick fix for this

[Minger]

Definatley horrible to go through,some really good replies tho. A lot of people just dont understand until you have it. Only thing I can offer is try and hope things improve however long that may be, money,work etc have to come down list of priorities, without health you have nothing.

[109LWB]

You may or may not be depressed, but pills ain’t the answer.