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I’d like to make it clear that, in an untypical moment of empathy, I mistakenly thought that the fish supper we know and love as dozy was having a bit of a bad time. I now realise that as per usual, the person’s bottom we know as cozy is just being his usual lady garden self, and is not at all due to go to court. Well done sir. In the unlikely event that his wind up story is true, I hope the court throw the book at this end of a male appendage, and take as much of his misses’ savings as they can.

Oh, and yes, of course you can get to Aberdeen for 08.00am. just take your card out at Carlisle, and run the rest of the way 'only break’s… front bottom.