Depression

I could be here All night if I went through everything that has led me to on one occasions completely melt down, but I wont, I will just give you a snippet…

So I were given some very strong anti dps, they absolutely snapped my chain, horrifically heightened my already bad state, drove me to a very dark place in a very short time frame, two weeks if that and I found myself at the door to eternal darkness…it were gonna be a very long drop onto a very hard surface.

NOW I don’t know how, why or for what but I bottled it. At the time I felt ashamed for doing so, I wanted to go and I just knew it’d be for everyone’s benefit, BUT I didn’t go, instead i went out into town an whilst absolutely destroyed on various substances/alcohol I begged a kicking off a group of lads…

I remember dragging my battered remnants round behind a shop an I slumped into some cages…

I remember nowt else, time, how long I were there, I remember nothing from hitting deck too
being awoke by a dog licking my face and a fella saying 'mate, mate, you alright…?..
Well apart from what I later found out was a perforated drum, broken hand, wrist, knuckles, some deep cuts, ruined clothes and me wallet being there lol i were alive.

Now he sat me up, opened this tin, took his last ■■■ an offered it to me, it were then I realised he were homeless…and you know what it were at that moment I also realised It could be worse.

He made me realise that help can be found and come from anywhere, you just have to be lucky enough to get it or REALISE you need it, and he did just that for me.
The guy saved my life I’m sure of it, he were an ex soldier, misses had done him over, the whole 9yards but he took a second out of his life for a stranger…

So take a second out of someone you knows life, and one from your own, go back too your doctor, talk to your family, but above all else don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask for help.

It may simply be dosage issue, mis diagnosis, or your brain hasn’t adjusted yet as these potions can cause caos before they start to calm… I know for a fact my meds were wrong and once changed I became within a year free of all meds, alcohol, and other substances and have been for 10yrs plus…(well I do have a beer once in a while lol)… But above all else I’ve learned to talk, cope, and BREATH much much more easily and even now after the last few years I’ve had I know I can and will get through it whatever it is…its hope that drives me as hope is all we really have in life imop, so that’s the rock i use, maybe you can too in time…

Please don’t let the job thing worry you, if you have to take a hand from state for a while then imop for your well being do so, no shame imop, anyone who says contrary is either incredibly lucky or fudgeking nieve.

I hope whatever happens to/for you you get all the best, and i wish ya all the best, and I hope above all else you find the strength you know you have to be able to dig deep and dig out of this as you know you can…

Sincerest wishes Ben :wink: