You mean you chucked the job you loved, then went back tramping or chucked the job because of how you felt??
Very understandable about the danger of losing your license. Some antidepressants can make a person feel worse and then it can become a vicious cycle . It would be so much better if you could talk to your wife about it though. Maybe she doesn’t realise how crap you are feeling.
I’m sure I saw a link on here ages ago giving advice and help with this sort of thing.
Hope things work out for you soon.