Loosing a friend

I lost my best friend on my 18th he was a few months older he had been bitten by a pig on his dad’s farm which broke his leg, so was housebound for a few weeks with a pot, the day before my 18th I was up at the farm taking the ■■■■ about him on crutches round town etc and everything was fine. The night and drinks started to flow and we waited for my mate to turn up and waited…His folks thought he was with me and 20+years ago no mobiles.
It was early afternoon the following day when his brother found him hanging in one of the barns.
You like me will always have questions I was riddled with guilt for a long time, don’t know why as there were no signs but even now reading your post brings it back.
The effects last a lifetime but the pain slowly fades.
RIP To lost friends.