Personal Question

Kate Hasler:
Thanks for answering you guys/gals… have to say that I find it amusing that there have been 34 viewers of this post, and only 3 replies. Guess it is a bit too personal. :blush:

haq ha ha dont worry kate its takes ALOT for me to think its personal.

i started driving in 1999 and loved it but then i met clare in nov 99 so i was doing a few nights out then and she knew my job was working away but by 2000 on i was away 4 nights out every week then we got married sept 2001 and oct 2001 she decided she didnt like me doing nights out anymore so i stopped. i wasnt pleased at all i used to like my nights out but well its only a job and marrige should be for life so now i dont any nights out i still miss them but wouldnt do them cos i like being at home with little jess.

I have to work away quite a lot of the time.

I (or ‘we’) can handle me being away and sometimes it does us good!! What I do find really difficult is being away from my 3 yr old daughter! Kids are so entertaining that I hate missing anything!! She is already ‘into’ trucks so I can imagine her spending a few days ‘out’ with me in the future.

I must admit it’s her job that causes more problems than mine. She is always “just getting caught” etc.etc & thus not being here when she has promised to be Grrrrrrr.
As for my job, she is use to me saying I’ll only be a few hours & then phoning from 200 miles away the following day as I head in the opposite direction to home. But if I promise to be back I make sure I only take jobs that ensure I will be.

I have a question, that might a be a bit personal for you guys. I’ve been reading in the US site, and there’s a discussion going on about infidelity and marital problems that occur as a result of truck driving. I was curious, how many of you are divorced, or have had significant marital/relationship problems because of the job? Who do you blame for it, and what have you done to fix it… or is it something that couldn’t be fixed? I know its a bit personal, but in this line of work, it’s definitely relavent.

Aah, the pleasures of divorce.
Yes, driving did play a big part, loads of nights away, the mouse will play.
Also I was in the TA, loads of weekends away, see above.
I was also in the St John Ambulance, as she was, so was he.
Sometimes I couldn’t remember what my house looked like.
I am ex Army, she was born into the RAF, once we came out of the Army I had a good 9 to 5 teaching job, when that fell over I fell back on my HGV licence, and the marriage never looked back.
I have two kids who live with their auntie and uncle, and their mother sometimes stays there, she has a job that quite often she has to stay away.
I would agree this inquiry is a bit personal, but highly relevant.
Well asked Pat. :sunglasses:

It’s not the question that worries me it’s the paronia that the answer might cause readers that concerns me.
My mum and dad are still together and my dad drove all his working life my mum struggled to cope with the hours he worked when my sister and I were young but they made it, my dad was home every night though.
I on the other hand started tramping 12 months after getting my licence and my mariage was over within a couple of years we get on great now but accountants and truckers are too sureal a match even for me. :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: Yes my job was seriously instrumental in our split.

Met my wife in 1978, married in 1981 and started driving in 1984. Only did locals at first but started doing 4 - 5 nights out in 1987 on UK work and since 1989 I have been away 4 - 5 nights virtually every week going over the water. Still married and everything is fine, had the odd moment or two in the past 26 years were it wasn’t always perfect but then that is only to be expected and none of the problems were down to the job.

One thing I have found over the years is that my wife and children have there routines during the week and I have to fit in with them when I come home, I can’t expect them to alter it just because I am there. You also tend to make the best of the time you have together.

I also hear drivers complaining about wanting to be home with their families yet when they get home they spend all there time down the pub etc with their mates so see less of their family than I do of mine.

Prior to starting driving my wife and I worked together in the catering trade and we were together almost 24 hours a day 365 days a year and that is a lot worse than the way it is now. Spending that much time together you have nothing to talk about and the smallest disagreements become major arguments lasting several days.

Thanks for answering you guys/gals… have to say that I find it amusing that there have been 34 viewers of this post, and only 3 replies. Guess it is a bit too personal. :blush:

I was driving before I got married and divorced seven years later. I actualyy live with my partner (of 20 years now) who I met chatting on the CB !

Dave

having met my partner at truck fest this year we have a great relationship, we live a 160 miles apart, we both drive. we find that this works for us

I’ve known my better (or should that be other) half for just over 8 years and he’s been driving for most of that time, we do get to spend some time together at weekends, but as he’s busy elsewhere, I dont get to see him as often as I’d like :frowning: :frowning: .

I know that driving is something he’s always wanted to do, so I’m not going to start pressuring him to change, when I know drivings something he’s always wanted to do, and will continue to do so, health permitting.

He has 2 kids from the relationship before me, and I must admit I sometimes feel as though they come before me, but I wouldn’t ask him to exchange what time he has with the kids to be with me.

ive been married 7 and a half years and in total tramped for 6 and a half of them i come home at the weekend and spend as much time with my family as possible .weve had our problems but not related to my job.even though i work away id be lost without my mrs.my mrs has ME not as bad as it used to be but she but she still does all the mom and wifey stuff and puts up with me not being at home for 5 days at a time because she knows i do it for the money and not because i dont wanna be at home with her and the kids. :laughing:

:astonished: i was adriver when i met my wife so it was part of the deal i was on locals at the time so it was pretty good my wife is japanese so the cultures are totally different so in japan its common for the familys to be apart for months at a time due to work i have a freind here who hasent seen her husband for 5-6 months and she never complains i thought she was playing the field but now i know she isnt its strange because most of the women are very loyal and the husbands are terrible when they come home they just go to hostess bars with there misstreses or freinds sleep around and the wifes just put up with it its unbelievable but after we married we lived in england for 4 years and i had no choice but to go tramping just for the money to look after us and the best job available was containers where i could do 450 p/w but i was gone from sunday tea time till the next saturday dinner time she was good about it cause we were living but after a year she was getting misserable and threats of divorce so i got a local job just 2-3 nights out per week and i had a good boss who let me take them with me so that changed alot of things but the one thing iregret was not seeing my son as a baby cause i was never there and to all you drivers who are having a baby i know the only money is tramping but seriousley be with your family and see your kid through the best times cause when theyre gone theyre gone and you cant turn back and it niggles at you later sorry if this is too long but hope it helps

Just viewed this site and topic, I know we can not dictate who we fall in love with and I should know!! I have seen my son through a divorce because his wife did not like “smelly trucks” or the hours he had to keep etc, I noticed she liked the money that came from the job tho. My own relationship failed for a similar thing and I was given a choice, truck or him, well weighing things up I decided on my truck, after all I did not get let down or got told lies by the truck plus it helped put bread and jam on the table, the partner didnt contribute that much.
Maybe I have just been unlucky with men but I would say to anyone contemplating a relationship, if the partner does not know the haulage game think twice as it is a difficult enough job without added hassle from a partner who doesnt like being left alone too many days.
I am still looking for the right fella to come into my life, theres only one snag, he must understand the long haul game we play

:astonished: totally aggree at the end of the day a trucker is a trucker and no matter how hard you try you wont break that but i agree that it is better to try to get someone with an interest in trucks with my wife she loved comin with me for the odd night out and seeing the uk shes not truckmad like me but showed an interest she even went to truckfest and had a really good day i hope you find the right fella and things go well but like you say its a hard life and messy if it breaks up good luck and keep the wheels a turnin “10 10”

Weve been together now since 84. I was already a driver of course when we met, and it only caused a ruckus when the kids were really young, as they were close in age, and she didnt want to cart all 3 of them about all the time. I did home every night jobs for about 7 years during that time. To be honest, all of the strife thats nearly got us divorced before now was down to the drink, and the bands I played in. The driving never really came into it, and still dont. But then again, the father in law fell foul of the old while the cats away thing, and her mom jumped ship, so my missus knows all about it and that might have made a difference. Its the best its ever been for the last 6-7 years in spite of the fact I tramp, and will continue to do so, but mainly thats down to I changed, she’s always been a good un.

My own view on it is that I don’t think it’s fair to been in a relationship nor start a new relationship if you do tramping work or spend a lot of time away from home. What I mean by relationship in this sense is one that’s still in its early days rather than having been together/married for donkey’s.

As things stand at the moment, I enjoy seeing the ££ in my bank account at the end of every week and I have a few debts to pay off plus a few expensive things I’d like to buy (new motor, house etc) - that’s a lot of saving up :frowning: .

My weekends consist of spending time on my hobby, sorting out bills and mail from the past week, cleaning etc, drinking beer, going and seeing my mates (more important than any chick) and tinkering on t’interweb. Where does the free time come in for women :open_mouth: :question: .

I’m 27, not married, never been married, don’t have any intention of being married and have no kids. That’s just how I want it to stay for the foreseeable future anyway :slight_smile: .

I wouldn’t mind a different work pattern so as to free up some time, maybe like a full week on tramping then a week off :slight_smile: but for the same money but can’t see that happening. I guess one of the good things about agency work is you can pick and choose but it has it’s down sides.

Difficult one to answer this one…

On the one hand, yes I’ve had family fall apart, and yes tramping had a part to play in that…but only a part. It wasn’t always the way, so I think it was more that it magnified the problems rather than causing them.

When a relationship goes sour it is too easy to start running out a day earlier (Sunday in my case, something which I point blank refuse to do now), which just makes you drift further and further apart. On the flipside, it’s also very difficult to find ways to spend more time at home when your main reason for being away is that you live in the back of beyond and day work either doesn’t exist or doesn’t pay.

One mistake which I will never repeat is to be out all week when you have a small child. I bitterly regret that, although I had no choice at the time (see above). Next time I’d rather live on beans on toast than miss so many milestones…and if there isn’t the work in the area to enable that to happen then it’s really quite simple. I’ll move.
One thing which forever haunts me was the day my daughter first smiled…and I was (surprise surprise) on the A34 in a container lorry…

You can borrow money to see you through their early years. Ok, you end up in debt, but you can pay that back, and you can muddle through…you can always go back to the long-distance driving thing…you can never have a second shot at your kids’ lives. If I had a second run at it it’d be day work all the way, and sod the bank manager and the credit rating!!! :wink:

Thanks for taking the time to answer everybody. I guess is just shows that some people choose truck driving for their love of trucks, and some do it just as a means to support their family. Maybe its that difference that makes some relationships better than others.

The money can be tough to beat. Pat had decided against driving again when he moved here, but when I got pregnant and was out of work, he needed a job that would bring in the extra cash, and since he wanted me to stay home with Sadie for a couple years, it was his only real option if he was going to make up for my lossed income. It’s hard on all of us, but I try to stay supportive, though it gets tough sometimes… I even resorted to coming to trucknet… lol. He’s doing what he thinks is best for the family, and works his ■■■■ off in the process. His job gets him home just about every day… but thats usually just enough time to eat, shower, and get a couple hours sleep before going back to work.

You’re right about the kids Lucy. Patrick has missed alot with Sadie. He’ll notice something new about her weeks after she’s done it. I don’t usually have the heart to tell him all of her new accomplishments, I want him to be able to see them for himself. Being his second time around with little ones he seems to appreciate what he’s missing more now than he did with his older kids. Most free time he has at home is spent with the kids now. He’s taking extra days off for Seths field trips at school, and is taking a more active interest all around. Its hard to take a backseat to that sometimes, but its necessary for them.

One thing I don’t see much of on this site is spouses of the driver. From what I’ve seen, everyone is either a driver, or wants to be… both men and women. You don’t have to love trucks to get involved…cause honestly, I don’t see the attraction lol. But you guys are definitely a great source of support, even if I’m not a driver…

Kate Hasler:
One thing I don’t see much of on this site is spouses of the driver. From what I’ve seen, everyone is either a driver, or wants to be… both men and women.

I know Kate…tell me about it!! :wink: I used to come on here quite a lot but like you say, it seems to be only drivers and not their spouses who get involved on here. We must be a rare breed to take an interest in our “other halves” truckin’ life…but then I’m just a common old bird who’ll talk to anyone!!! :laughing: :laughing: I’d much rather go down the road with hubby than go on a shopping spree!!! :laughing: …ugh!!!..shopping!!!..yuk :unamused: :frowning: