What the hell do they actually want?

If you haven’t driven for 2 years then you are a new driver as far as insurance is concerned. Most require you to have driven regularly within the last 120 days.

Would agree with animal that commercial vs army experience are very different. Curtainsiders are a whole different ball game compared to box trailers when it comes to loading, eg: everything from toilet rolls to 1 ton IBCs on same load and each has its own requirements. Thats without worrying about double deckers.

With this in mind, I would approach jobs as experienced in some respects but needing to “upgrade skillsets”. That will sound a lot more appealing to an employer or agency as they have to put a lot of trust in drivers with £100K of equipment, £200K of goods and customer reputations to uphold.