So what phrases in job adverts ring alarm bells with you?
“No messers.”
“No chancers.”
“Must be a grafter.”
Muckaway:
So what phrases in job adverts ring alarm bells with you?
“No messers.”
“No chancers.”
“Must be a grafter.”
No lay-by inspectors
No ■■■■-Plugs
All five would be in any advert I put out…
No doubt the snowflake`s would still ring up though
“Trainee/Junior HGV Driver.”
No doubt another way for a ripoff broker to grab your details. Very common on Monster and Totaljobs.
“Must have a ‘can-do’ attitude” - Must be completely subservient to the planners who will run you ragged every week.
“Urgently require…” - We can’t attract anyone stupid enough to work here, or get anyone to stay. We’re getting hammered by the price of agencies to keep bums on our seats, so we just need anyone daft enough to apply so we can make more profit from your idiocy.
“… seek committed…” - We will treat your drivers hours as targets to be hit, as well as expect four to five nights out per week, and expect you to work every other weekend.
“Due to growth, we seek…” - We’re just lying. It’s not growth, we just can’t attract or retain drivers. That’s why our fleet is stood in the yard without anyone to drive them.
Only landed one job after answering an advert, worst job of my life by miles.
The rest have been either be recommendations, word of mouth, or cold calling.
Any advert is suspect because they needed to advertise, regular advertisers should be avoided like the plague.
“Logistics Colleague required”. No use if you want a job as a (proper) lorry driver.
“Our Client…”
See this and run for the hills, it’s a limping gig.
“Must be flexible”…means you’ll be flexibly doing every hour god sends…
“We have new trucks waiting in our yard…”
must be able to understand written and spoken english…no taliban. 
“On behalf of our client”
It usually means this job, advertised at a healthy £13 p/h, is “full” but there is other work. At the not so healthy hourly rate though
Competitive Pay = Competitive with Minimum Wage.
Rottweiler22:
“Must have a ‘can-do’ attitude” - Must be completely subservient to the planners who will run you ragged every week.
Must be flexible willing to do other duties as required and have a can do attitude. 
“Blue chip company” 
“Exciting opportunity” 
“Innovative and dynamic”.
Competitive rates of pay
Tra
All new trucks
New Scania blah blah
Flexible Hours (you go home when we say)
Double the minimum wage (for a 17 year old)
Annualised hours ( = don’t bother keeping a note of any overtime you do.)
Self-employed ( = you can’t work for anybody else and we’re not paying your tax and stamp.)
Varied work ( = you’ll be going to varied RDCs)
Able to work using own initiative ( = we know our planners are useless)
Must be able to work as part of a team ( = don’t argue with our useless planners)
All work totally legal ( = except when doing it differently gets the planners out of the mess they created.)
“Must be a team player”…
Team A : The TM and above
Team B : The planners
You are the ball…
“Must be physically fit”…
Massive cages on tiny tailifts or we can’t be bothered getting the right kit so do it yourself.
“Family run business”…
Dad is an old hand who does things right and treats drivers right, his son thinks he’s Alan Sugar so has cut everything including the bog roll, as soon as Stobarts get wind of our contracts we are selling up so good luck.