What the best excuse for not being loaded or unloaded.
Mine was fork lift needs fuel but there is a broken down lorry in front of fuel pump so your have to wait.
“Shift change at 6 mate!”
<looks at clock - only 5.20> 
They have dug a trench to put the drains in and the telehandler is the other side of it?
Me - Can you handball it?
Them - Yes but need fall protection.
Me - Ok, I’ll just pull it over there and sort it.
Them - You’re not allowed to put it on on the site.
This is even though I can put it on without getting on the trailer.
I ending up pulling onto the road, sorting fall protection and then driving back into site to be told the post was in the wrong place and they still couldn’t unload it.
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missed a ferry …so called in saying I had a bloody flat (no phones years back) about 4hrs after I should o sailed saying I couldnt find a phone box and had to hitch it into a town… in reality had achmeds revenge took a couple o BIG swigs of callene and morphine (spelling) it stopped the ■■■■■■■■ but I stopped in a layby at noon in daylight and woke up in the night pitch black!! a real ohhh F moment. 
Once told to be at DHL bardon for 0600.
No paperwork coz the office bod couldn’t get in due to the half inch of snow we had…overnight.
Once departed…lots of phone calls for eta.
Yeah right
Two in the same shift from December '15…“Pooley Bridge’s bridge has disappeared” then “Half the A591’s been washed away!” 
Do a regular run up to housing estate renovations in aberdeen with building supplies.
Last winter I managed drive up there from Manchester no issues. Got to compound all locked up. Rang site manager was told were all at home until further notice .due to extreme weather. I’m looking round there’s a dusting of snow. Sun’s out no wind.
Today: “sorry mate, was sorting me hair out”
I kid you not!
Try telling my boss why I was late getting tipped [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
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“You’re late, “
yes mate, I’ve been for a haircut,
“What? In works time!”
Well it grows in works time!
“Not all of it”
I haven’t had it all cut off!
Wheel Nut:
“You’re late, “yes mate, I’ve been for a haircut,
“What? In works time!”
Well it grows in works time!
“Not all of it”
I haven’t had it all cut off!
That jokes got long hairs on it.
Or Your late
sorry boss i set the alarm for 3…but theres 4 of us
“Your Late”
Yeah I stopped off at your house to have ■■■ with your wife, I wouldn’t have minded but I could’ve been here 10mins earlier if she didn’t want ■■■ for the 2nd time.
She said I’m gonna be late again next Tuesday and Thursday