Defect reporting

Someone decided to let one of our drivers loose with a pen and a defect book! Maybe he should’ve tried spell checking it!

If I may, allow me to babelfish this

Manken lights (meanside)

  • sometimes wonks, sometimes do mot wonk. They mene mot wonking when I was dniving to Paddock Wood (all wqy)

Awesome.

Anyway, were the manken lights fixed or what? You can’t take it out with wonking manken lights.

It reads like officer Crabtree wrote it :open_mouth:

Nobby_Clarke:
It reads like officer Crabtree wrote it :open_mouth:

I thought Allo Allo lol

Flick back through the book. “Fish mheel needs more grease” and there’s your man again.

Clearly it is written by one of our EE friends.

I have the same issue with numbers from someone who isn’t native to England at our place, her 4’s look like a lightning bolt and 9’s look like g’s.

I assume therefore that the drivers r’s look like n’s to us.

And as for the rest well it’s hardly surprising.

Driving controls- wear- operation = N/A? It doesn’t have a steering wheel or pedals?

Also, I’d be tempted to peel off the No Smoking sticker, throw it away, then defect the vehicle and refuse to take it out. :stuck_out_tongue:

Just defect the defect book. Write “some complete manker who’s got hold of a pen has mitten in it”

Sort of reminded me of this, that was going round the Internet a few years ago? :laughing:

This was posted back in 2006 on FlightAware. Apparently, UPS pilots fill out a form known as a “gripe sheet” to inform mechanics about problems with their aircraft. The mechanics then correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Hence, here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers (and who says that aviation mechanics do not have a sense of humour!):

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
PS: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Bloody hell his marker lights do more wonking than me and I wonk a lot. In fact I’m wonking now.
I haven’t wonked at paddock wood but regularly wonk over the wife’s mot…

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brilliant :smiley:
Love the ‘number three engine missing’ :grimacing:

Dipper_Dave:
Bloody hell his marker lights do more wonking than me and I wonk a lot. In fact I’m wonking now.
I haven’t wonked at paddock wood but regularly wonk over the wife’s mot…

You wonk the highest in twuknet

Did he watch to much of this ?
youtu.be/zGNVU5ZjlgA

James the cat:

Dipper_Dave:
Bloody hell his marker lights do more wonking than me and I wonk a lot. In fact I’m wonking now.
I haven’t wonked at paddock wood but regularly wonk over the wife’s mot…

You wonk the highest in twuknet

Cheers, I wonked so much this evening that I comb all over me fluce.

I should point out that this is the trailer defect book. They allegedly weren’t wonking when he, ahem…‘did his checks’ but took it anyway…calls from Paddock Wood (its 2hrs from ours) and reports it…told to stay put & wait for a ‘mickanick’ to come out…told our bloke he was heading back (obviously to let the day driver sort it) and yes, they were sorted and are wonking again… I heard a rumour once that he defected the little orange one on the front o/s of the unit once because it had an intermittent fault of coming on then going off then coming back on again…is that winking or wonking? And Dipper…over wonking is bad for your eyes! I’ll look through both books tomorrow, see if there’s any more gems and continue here. Chuckled at the plane one, quality!

NB. funny thing is, one of his fellow countrymen could actually read it!

blue estate:
Did he watch to much of this ?
youtu.be/zGNVU5ZjlgA

This educational lesion is which I know how french to say her.

Sent from my GT-S7275R using Tapatalk

I assume therefore that the drivers r’s look like n’s to us.

Don’t mention the driver’s r’s – you’ll start Dipper off again!

muckles:

This was posted back in 2006 on FlightAware. Apparently, UPS pilots fill out a form known as a “gripe sheet” to inform mechanics about problems with their aircraft. The mechanics then correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Hence, here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers (and who says that aviation mechanics do not have a sense of humour!):

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
PS: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

I remember seeing this years ago.
Still cracks me up reading it :laughing: :laughing:

Actrosman:
Someone decided to let one of our drivers loose with a pen and a defect book! Maybe he should’ve tried spell checking it!

What spelling mistakes? I’m guessing he’s not British? He forms his letter m, n and r differently than we do here putting an additional curl at the start.

Even though most of the EU uses the Roman character set they don’t all write it the same. For example ask a French person to write down the number 1, 2, 7 or 9 and you’ll find they write those numbers a lot differently than we do.

Here’s some Romanian handwriting. Note how the r’s look like n (second to last word is radio) and there are extra upcurls on the start of many letters which we don’t do.

So actually he can spell and you’re taking the ■■■■ because you’re a dumb racist who thinks that he can’t because he forms his letters differently. I wonder if you can speak and spell in his native language as well as he can in ours. Somehow I doubt you know little more than “Ablo Onglazieee Manwell?”

Not sure the chaps ethnicity ever came into question.

Perhaps the blokes just a bit disleaksic.

Went to a disco with a load once, chuffing hysterical watching them try to dance in unison to YMCA.
Half the buggers where closer to BUPA.