Counselling and duty of care

Bit of a long one this but basically after eight years in getting back in the HGV saddle.

I used to do Class 2 nights and enjoyed it until one night I was following an Eastern European lorry in the M1 up near Wakefield. I was going just faster than it but he was all over the road and I was coming off at the next junction so held back. Then I saw sparks and brake lights so anchored on. Hed wandered into the hard shoulder hit a Vauxhall Zafira and wiped out an entire family including a six month old child.

Obviously time has passed since then but being first person in the scene only for just a few seconds which felt like hours stuck with me and affected me more than I wanted to admit at the time.

My company at first appeared compassionate and gave me a few nights off but after that I was just expected to get back on with it. I tried but couldn’t face it so gave up HGV work and nights.

Obviously trucking is a generally male orientated world and can be old school, or it was back then anyway. Has it changed since? Was I just unlucky by not having a very supportive company behind me? I sought counselling myself in the end but i feel that had i had that opportunity sooner i wouldn’t have walked away from the industry.

Has time moved on?

Sounds like you had a bad experience there mate that won’'t be easy to forget.

As you probably know the haulage game has never been famous for it’‘s ‘’‘touchy feely’’ approach to drivers.

Some guys/drivers can deal with stuff better than others, and rightly or wrongly you are just expected to crack on with it yourself.
On a different perspective I went through bankruptcy, just dusted myself down and got on with it, where as some have gone as far as to top themselves…whole different scenario, yeh I know, but you get my drift.

I cant speak for these new age ‘‘Logistical Solution’’ up their own arse type of firms as I would never work for them, but other than that in my experience I would say nothing has changed.

Hope you have managed to put it behind you the best you can mate anyway.

Time of course, has moved on. The haulage industry is still stuck in the middle ages.

I will say however…I am a qualified ■■■■■■-analyst/person centred counsellor, I obviously do not practice…Why do I no longer practice? Because people basically just need to pull themselves together and literally get on with it all. This may sound harsh.

Now, take yourself back a few decades, to the point of war and you would have seen your friends, colleagues etc. killed, maimed etc. I am not saying this is good, or to be expected, however we do have inbuilt psychological coping strategies, but these are torn apart by external agencies, who feel they need to support you in times of distress, when all the time, you can actually use your own coping strategy, you do have one and there is no one or any other organisation to tell you that it is wrong…You do what works for you, perhaps it means storing it in a memory, dealing with it immediately, we are all different and will cope in a way that is unique to us, the problems start when external agencies start to interfere…Another reason why I no longer practice, because my approach is not recognised or welcome in the therapeutic frame of reference.

I firmly believe that people need time to understand what has happened, internalise what has happened and then they are ready to cope in their own way, if they need outside help, they will seek it…Not have it forced upon them and usually when it has not had time to “sink in” to the individual.

I have been on scene of accidents and have had 2 people die with me, one of which was not in a good way, both physically and mentally, I internalised it, understood it, rationalised it and actually came to the conclusion that he was a prick for speeding, depriving his wife and two teenage daughters of their main source of income…We are all different and see things in so may different ways, there is never a wrong way or a right way, just your own way.

Yeah yeah it’s behind me but obviously it’s hard to forget. Like in constantly watching stuff on hard shoulders more than many others for example but it’s just one of those things that unfortunately happens. Wrong place wrong time.

Oh just to clear up I do not need a manpax

I’m thinking of it as I stepped away from the industry and was pretty much allowed to walk. That’s a driver that a company has paid money out on training and alsorts when it may have been more cost effective to try and retain via helping out (second driver for a period or something) rather than rehire and retrain.

toonsy:
Oh just to clear up I do not need a manpax

I wasn’t implying that you did mate.

I aint renowned for my tact…, if I thought you did I would have said.

I reckon had you been with one of the big logistic concerns they could well of had people within HR trained to deal with just a situation like this.

It doesn’t matter whether you see loss of life on the front line in Afghanistan, or over the white line in the hard shoulder. Its a traumatic experience. If it still bothers you its perfectly acceptable to speak to your family doc, to see if there is some form of counselling in the area.

Welcome back to the job by the way.

robroy:

toonsy:
Oh just to clear up I do not need a manpax

I wasn’t implying that you did mate.

I aint renowned for my tact…, if I thought you did I would have said.

Haha I’m sure someone would be along to say it. I’ve said it to other often enough

Considering firefighter, police etc sometimes need counselling after a traumatic call, its no surprise an average Joe on the street did.

As far as companies being supportive, it’s luck of the draw. Maybe some of the bigger companies with proper occupational health departments would be more supportive.

Captain Caveman 76:
Considering firefighter, police etc sometimes need counselling after a traumatic call, its no surprise an average Joe on the street did.

As far as companies being supportive, it’s luck of the draw. Maybe some of the bigger companies with proper occupational health departments would be more supportive.

Maybe a big company would be good?
Maybe a smaller company owned and run by a human being would be better?
I’d guess there’s good and bad available in all sizes?
Sure a bigger company with a
“Human resources department dedicated to the ongoing care… wth responsibility. …etc” would have all the guff, but would it really stand by an employee?
Some would, but I’d guess some wouldn’t.
Some small employers are ■■■■■■■■■ but not all. And some who come on tough, can be quite good when really needed.
Anyways, I hope the memory gradually fades for the O.P. and the rest of us don’t experience such a horrific time. None of us know how we’d react in similar circumstances and can only be grateful if we’re never tested in the same way.

Sent from my GT-S7275R using Tapatalk

It’s not just down to the company when you go back to work after such an awful incident. It’s down to you and your Doctor too I would have thought.

Obviously, the size and quality of the company would come into consideration when making any decision about returning to work, and how much time you had off. If you had more than two years service I would have thought they would have no option but to support you in the short to medium term, and I mean weeks or months there, not a few nights.

As an aside, I hope you feel better in time - but I’m guessing you realise now it will always be with you.

MickM

A few years back just east of the Maurice Lemaire tunnel in the Vosges mountains i overtook a tractor and trailer on the N159 but in the distance could see a car approaching very very fast, looked in the mirror as the woman driver flew by only to see a pick up truck had followed me out past the tractor. The ensuing head on smash saw the car literally bent in two and half its length, stopped and ran back, the woman driver was mashed into the wheel and crushed inside like a tin can but was still alive, i cut the battery cable with the wire cutters i carry as the petrol tank was split and went across to see the two guys in the pick up truck and although badly injured didnt seem to have life threatening injuries. Stayed with the car driver until the emergency services arrived which was a while due to the location but she died at the scene. Im first response trained but with only a first aid kit was little i could do
Im pretty hardy but this stayed with me to this day. You will get over it Toonsy but you’ll never forget…

In reality its a hazard of the job being out on the road and seeing unfortunate accidents,you just have to get on with what you where doing.

Att’s post summed it up perfectly mate. It’s all about coping mechanisms and there isn’t a one size fits all solution. I was a soldier in the early 80’s and as one of “Maggies private army” saw lots of ■■■■. I’ve not lost a moments sleep as I rationalised it as “better them than me” which may sound harsh but is the simple truth.

I do however wish you all the best for the future.

Have been involved in a few fatal, crashes and other incidents, and found the best way to deal is remember your still here, and that was yesterdays ■■■■, let’s move forward to tomorrow, life still has to carry on, if you stop others around you will suffer because you stopped.,

The old saying about time being a healer isn’t true; it dulls but sometimes things won’t completely heal.

About five years ago I had a bad house fire, oil-fired central heating boiler blew up in my garage and did a heap of damage. Wifey and I got out un-injured, but the place was a mess for months; all done on insurace thankfully. I went back to work a couple of days after the fire but by the end of the week, was struggling to concentrate so ended up “on the club” for four weeks as my GP, perhaps understandably, diagnosed stress. I wanted to go back after two because I felt guilty about not being at work when I felt OK physically but I guess doctors do sometimes know best. Firm was fine, I got sorted, went back, life went on.

Last year we had one of our bulk tippers self-destruct on the yard, electrical fault, Volvo so no surprises there; parked up for the weekend, council gritter returning to the yard opposite saw it well alight at 01.30 Sunday morning, when I got into work on Monday morning it was a burned out wreck. I couldn’t go near the bloody thing because the smell brought all the memories of my house fire back; didn’t freak me out or anything but it wasn’t pleasant, and I consider myself a pretty resilient character.

Point I’m making is that sometimes it doesn’t need a lot to trigger bad memories.

toonsy:
Bit of a long one this but basically after eight years in getting back in the HGV saddle.

I used to do Class 2 nights and enjoyed it until one night I was following an Eastern European lorry in the M1 up near Wakefield. I was going just faster than it but he was all over the road and I was coming off at the next junction so held back. Then I saw sparks and brake lights so anchored on. Hed wandered into the hard shoulder hit a Vauxhall Zafira and wiped out an entire family including a six month old child.

Obviously time has passed since then but being first person in the scene only for just a few seconds which felt like hours stuck with me and affected me more than I wanted to admit at the time.

My company at first appeared compassionate and gave me a few nights off but after that I was just expected to get back on with it. I tried but couldn’t face it so gave up HGV work and nights.

Obviously trucking is a generally male orientated world and can be old school, or it was back then anyway. Has it changed since? Was I just unlucky by not having a very supportive company behind me? I sought counselling myself in the end but i feel that had i had that opportunity sooner i wouldn’t have walked away from the industry.

Has time moved on?

I think it was company you worked for , me & Mrs had a still born boy , company , boss could not of been better , were always on phone , boss , his mrs asking how could they help , ring us anytime day or night , 30 yrs ago ,
Same when dad died , got driver , car out to me and told me to not worry about work just sort things out in my own time , said if I’d needed finicial help just ask
only time I can rember different was when brother died from mnd , I asked with help with shifts as I was helping with lifting him for nurses to wash him , lifting him from wheel chair to bed etc and as he only had weeks to live he just wanted to see me as I did him , I asked for help which I never had before to be told weve 20 other drivers with problems , not with weeks to live you haven’t , I just went home and said sod them and looked after my brother ,
Little outfits seem better in this aspect , big ones not so , though I do find hr can be really good and they went ape when they realised what had been said to me with brother , bloke who said it got a right bollocking