Message from the CIA

Sir

It has come to our attention that many on this board are dissatisfied with progress in our Great War On Terror. We here at the CIA share your disappointment and frustration. In order for you to more fully participate in the GWOT we have come up with some simple guidelines to help you identify the terrorist in our midst.

  1. Purchase of excessive amounts of fertiliser, we suggest that if you see a neighbour visiting Garden Centres, DIY stores or nurseries that you report this to your local CIA branch. (Simply pick up the phone and talk — we’re listening!)

  2. An interest in aviation, if your suspect often frequents airports or even airshows he is obviously planning a 911 style outrage. Just pass us the word and this “fanatic” will simply disappear.

  3. A large collection of ex-Soviet missiles and armaments is a bit of a giveaway. One word and the B52s are in the air. (Warning: B52 activity in your neighbourhood may cause depreciation in real estate values. The price of freedom is sometimes collateral damage)

  4. Tea towels. Are those tea towels on the washing line or are they part of a mujahadeen uniform? SWAT teams are waiting for your call.

  5. Moustache? No self respecting suicide bomber goes to meet his maker with a naked upper lip. We advise that if you neighbour (of either ■■■) has stopped shaving for no apparent reason you simply pass his map co-ordinates to Uncle Sam and we’ll have a Tomahawk in the air sooner ‘n you can type “Allardyce”!

  6. Unusual communications equipment: in order to receive his/her instructions from Ol’ Osama, your local terrorist cell will have a communications dish. Any house with a satellite dish is heretofore designated a legitimate target in the GWOT. (Yes that includes you Mr. Murdoch)

  7. Bombs are a very bad sign. Bombs are very rarely correctly labelled so watch out for suitcases, backpacks and briefcases. If your suspect is often carrying one or more of these don’t hesitate shoot him, it’s your duty.

That is all.

Remember freedom cannot be bought without a little oppression so please bare with us during the GWOT and be reassured that the erosion of your human rights is only temporary and once this crisis is over we will invent a new one to validate their continued suspension.

God Bless Us All (excluding Moslems, Hindus, Confucians and any non-Christian faith that we are not sure about — oh and we’re not sure about Catholics either so just watch it Buddy…)

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :wink:

I thought possesion of a mobile phone was included in the danger signs. They seem to be the remote control device that 9 out of 10 freedom fighters choose, sorry I of course ment that terrosts choose;.

Support

The
War
Against
Terror!

:smiling_imp:

Nice one alikat. :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: