A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to
clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who
s boss he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won’t be best pleased he disposes of the fish by
feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked
by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a
spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to
himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion
enclosure.
He moved on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South
American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the
spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. B y now he knows what to do! and throws
them in.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion
and says, “What’s the food like here?”
The lion says “Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy
bees.”
english,scotsman and an irishman goto join the army as the front line troops
they will be the first ones to be killed.they have to go in for a medical so the scotsman goes in first, comes out 10 mins later dancing singing and saying stick the army right up you i ain’t going no where the other two say how come you ain’t joining, the scotsman replies i’v got ff, they said what’s ff? flat feet. so the englishman goes in same again 10mins later he comes out singing, dancing and saying stick the army right up you,i’m going know where, the other two said what’s up with you? he replies i’v got ds. they said what’s ds? dodgy shoulder,so the irishman goes in. same again 10mins later he comes out dancing singing and doing backflips and saying stick the army right up you i’m going no where.the other two said why not? the irishman says i’v got lc, they said what’s lc ? the irishman replies lung cancer.
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go. The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, “What’s wrong?” He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.” The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.” He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too. The second guy says, “What’s wrong?” The first guy says, “Small world!”
jonboy:
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go. The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, “What’s wrong?” He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.” The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.” He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too. The second guy says, “What’s wrong?” The first guy says, “Small world!”
A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby
to
put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came
out
of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. The boy smiled at
the
young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a
few
minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my
apartment,
I hear someone coming…”
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now ■■■■, she purred at him,
“What would you say is my best feature?” Flustered and embarrassed, he
finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears!”
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts,
they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My ■■■■ is firm and
solid! Look at my skin – no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that
the
best part of my body is my ears?
Clearing his throat, he stammered, “Outside, when you said you heard
someone
coming? That was me.”
, it chhered me up
funny you were allowed theese jammySMUTT.
the guy replied that’s scotland.
"
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