‘On my way, m’dear’
Company accuses government of discrimination
Pike-y Haulage, also specializing in second-hand man-hole covers and pre-owned car stereo systems hit back yesterday at accusations that using red diesel was giving it an unfair competitive advantage. Speaking from a caravan site in West Bromwich a spokesperson said, “There’s no discrimination based on colour here, all diesel fuels are equal.”
Steady son, where you live will come back to you when you finish your shift
EU chiefs consider introducing a ‘Work till you drop’ directive to British drivers after its 15 hour working day (WTD) and influx of ex-Polish farmhands plus rehabilitated prison inmates failed to produce the required number of truck drivers.
The sad tale of tramper Mr. Zshtixoriegrrrrr
Police today launched an inquiry after a member of Age Concern found an old Romanian non-English speaking tramper asleep in a layby on the A5. Speaking through an interpreter, Mr. Zshtixoriegrrrrr told police he had been informed that he could legally drive for 19 hours a day and that he hadn’t received any take home pay for months because the company told him UK law stated take home pay only applied to those with a home to take it too. Speaking on behalf of Grabit and Legit Transport, Mr. Legit said, “Mr. Who? We’ve never heard of him.”
Grandpa’s Newbie Extras
Keep yourself awake with Grandpa’s nut squeezer
Help prevent accidents and keep yourself alert and safe at all times with Grandpa’s handy testicular mechanical aid. No drowsy side effects, no caffeine and 100% legal. No more rapid blinking, or sticking your head out of the window trying to keep yourself awake. Go that extra mile, or hundreds of ‘em with this handy new device.
Excuse me sir, did you know you have a dead fly on your rear number plate?
Tired of being pulled by the police because they’re short on their quota shekels? Grandpa’s here to help with his new phrase book. Contains such phrases as, “No speak Inglis” and “I no speed as Allah is my witness.” Learn to answer each question with “Time is 5 o’clock.” Saves those nasty demands for obtaining money with menaces coming through your letter box. Package comes with a black designer bag to put your head in. Illustrated is Mr. John Smith from Rotherham.
Entitlement designer wear
Never drive a truck again and get paid for not doing it? Don’t believe it? Read on. Forget global warming and wind farms, sustainable welfare is where it’s at. Grandpa’s Special offer for the ‘entitlement community.’ Look stunningly unemployable in our new ‘stop yer dole’ range interview gear. Late starts every day and no nights out. Guaranteed fortnightly payment and free social worker if required. What’s not to like?
Grandpa trucking – original and best