I couldn’t believe the TV advert for a charity that will take care of your Mog when you are gone .
Another cat advert wants your money so a random Tom can choose your winning balls by selecting a winning lottery ball.
The world has gone mad.
What next sponsor a seal/penguin/ donkey or a seagull called Sid.
That Dipper Dave will 
Untrustworthy around ■■■■■■■ as I am I can’t help think what will become of our pets if I should go first.
Family members might take them in fact I’ve offered to look after the mother in law’s ■■■■■ a few times almost got caught feeding it once.
Who will look after my Beaver when i’m gone.
My wife is 27 years younger than me and have her her own and two other four footed other ■■■■■■■ to look after once i’ve gone so what sort of insurance can I can take out to make sure they are looked after when I am gone ■■?
raymundo:
My wife is 27 years younger than me and have her her own and two other four footed other ■■■■■■■ to look after once i’ve gone so what sort of insurance can I can take out to make sure they are looked after when I am gone ■■?
Think she will fall under the younger ■■■■■ fully comp premium plan.
■■■■■ cover is based on number and age of ■■■■■■■. Young and healthy ones are much cheaper than the mangy buggers due to the high likelihood of rehoming.
Please search ‘comparemypussy.com’ for a list of quotes.
Discounts are available if your ■■■■■ has been free from accidents in the last 3 years and an alarm is fitted. I can supply and fit the latest Snatcham cat 1 systems.
Premiums can rise if you have any ■■■■■ related convictions or suffer any medical conditions due to looking after younger ■■■■■■■.
I may be able to assist with a quote if you can send me a picture of your ■■■■■■■, let me know if they have any modifications and also where they are kept overnight.
Currently offering a promotional discount for well groomed ■■■■■■■ and also fully shaven ones.
I bought my ■■■■■ a Tom Tom cat nav , I also bought one of Dipper’s Snatcham devices but the battery failed and poor ■■■■■ got rear ended by a MG Midget.
toby1234abc:
I bought my ■■■■■ a Tom Tom cat nav , I also bought one of Dipper’s Snatcham devices but the battery failed and poor ■■■■■ got rear ended by a MG Midget.
I must apologise profusely for the failure of our Snatcham, usually they are ultra reliable and have even been nominated for an award as the best device to keep unwanted intruders away from your ■■■■■.
As everyone’s aware ■■■■■ grabbing is on the increase. Especially since Trump got elected.
To make amends I will happily cover the cost of any repairs needed to your ■■■■■ including removal of the Midget.
I went on the website www.Dipper’s. Feline. Furry.Gadgets.com to buy a ■■■■■ magnet.
Since attaching it to my Scania 113 , I can now do a one hit to Gibraltar.
It beats the Fanny in a Scanny sticker.
Unfortunately the rear ended ■■■■■ passed away after the Midget incident, my solicitors will be formally writing to you for compensation .
Thank you for shopping at our online store, although the ■■■■■ merchandise isn’t designed for helping with dodgy tachos it’s great feedback for us to know these items have more than one use.
Look out for our new range coming soon that includes furry cup holders, ■■■■■ jewellery and velvet purses.
We also have in development our patent pending ‘■■■■■ choker’ that will alert the owner if anyone is trying to tamper with their ■■■■■.
Also launching this week is our new range of scents that can be used to confuse potential ■■■■■ burglars as to the whereabouts of your favourite furry companion. We are hoping our ‘I can’t Believe it’s not ■■■■■’ range is a big hit.
I have passed your message onto our lawyers ‘■■■■-Kitty & Clunge’ who will deal with this matter.
Hopefully an out of court settlement can be reached.
Please let me know if I can help source a new ■■■■■ for you, we have friends in the trade who can supply one very quickly for a small fee or usually half a bottle of prosecco does the trick.
I must admit I’m sat here in a RDC waiting room nearly peeing myself laughing at this thread.
Probably getting some funny looks.
toby1234abc:
I went on the website Dipper’s. Feline. Furry.Gadgets.com to buy a ■■■■■ magnet.
Since attaching it to my Scania 113 , I can now do a one hit to Gibraltar.
It beats the Fanny in a Scanny sticker.Unfortunately the rear ended ■■■■■ passed away after the Midget incident, my solicitors will be formally writing to you for compensation .
i went on the website last week and bought a pair of your " ■■■■ Mitts "
i would like my money back as after thrusting my hand into them for over a week, they are starting to be come all loose and saggy 
plus why do my hands smell of fish after using them ?.. is it the sort of glue you use ?
Tooz:
toby1234abc:
I went on the website Dipper’s. Feline. Furry.Gadgets.com to buy a ■■■■■ magnet.
Since attaching it to my Scania 113 , I can now do a one hit to Gibraltar.
It beats the Fanny in a Scanny sticker.Unfortunately the rear ended ■■■■■ passed away after the Midget incident, my solicitors will be formally writing to you for compensation .
i went on the website last week and bought a pair of your " ■■■■ Mitts "
i would like my money back as after thrusting my hand into them for over a week, they are starting to be come all loose and saggy
plus why do my hands smell of fish after using them ?.. is it the sort of glue you use ?
Firstly let me apologise profusely for the issues with our ‘■■■■ mitts’ I have checked with quality control and it appears we have a dodgy batch.
On a small number of products the warm furry lining has not been attached to the inner flaps correctly, tell tale signs include a piece of string dangling from the ■■■■ where the glue has not set.
The fish like smell is due to this bad stock falling into a batch of our aforementioned kitty decoy spray aka ‘I can’t believe it’s not ■■■■■’.
We have had to recall a few of our velvet purses also due to a similar issue.
Please send me your order reference number and I will make sure a nice tight pair of ’ ■■■■ Mitts’ are despatched immediately as well as a free sample of our new ■■■■■ dandruff shampoo ‘Collars & Cuffs’.
If I may suggest whilst running in your new pair of mittens that one doesn’t go straight for the full hand in one go, I find one finger at a time helps prolong the life and flexibility of our ‘■■■■ mitts’.
They are designed to stretch a mile before tearing an inch.
Dipper
A question on forthcoming new products please?
Do you do waterproof ones if the new owner might partake in say dogging or a little outdoor fun and games?
Not wanting to get the indoor ■■■■■ over wet lol.
(Dogging question raised due to “hearing” about certain activities going on on Cannock chase and by the canal in brewood) think I have said too much already oops 
Since i was needing things for my Volkswagen i went back on to your website and ordered your VAG Catalogue …
from the catalogue i got your…
■■■■-Lers,
Clunge Carpets,
Beaver Gear Lever,
Air Freshner " Tinge of ■■■■■ "
and the very popular…
■■■■-Cut Polish with the Bonus ■■■■-Cloth !
so far they have been great but sadly you sent me the wrong size of ■■■■ Mits to replace my old ones, they are too big, you sent ■■■ !
these mistakes are getting more and more common, i am beginning to think your workplace is full of F*nnys !! 