Well lads and lasses it’s finally happened according to all family members I’ve gone to far this time.
It all started last night, new years eve drinking started at approx 3pm, nice and relaxed as we had all been invited to a house party.
Great night ahead non of the usual pub bollox for my lot.
So arrives at said party 8pm, level of drunk now is approx 60% (or the exact stage where we think we can sing and dance like professionals).
Tasked with watching the grandchildren till daughter number 2 arrived the wife asked me to ease off on the drinking. Seeing as a long night was ahead I weighed up the pros and cons of disobeying and decided to comply.
All was going well till I realised I hadn’t obeyed her at all and I found myself on the karaoke machine blasting out in my best Beyonce impression with dance moves to match an epic version of ‘all the single ladies’.
Now I reckon I’m at 80% paraletic now (or love everyone phase) so carry on with my drunken antics till the fireworks start at approx 11.45.
This is where things went downhill, all I can remember is a mini fallout with the wife and in my wisdom decided to ‘do one’ and leave the party, 3 mile from home I thought I’ll walk it.
Now due to the time I’d left I encountered after approx 1/2 mile another house party that had spilled into the street, revelers where screaming happy new year and inviting me in. So like any sensible adult I went in, quaffed some more drink and danced the night away till approx 3am.
Drunk phase is now well over 95% in fact I’m so drunk I’m starting to sober up or so I believe and ignoring all the requests to call a taxi for me I thank the host (or possibly a coat rack) for their hospitality and continue my walk.
Now the term ‘walk’ may not be correct here as from what I can remember I zigzagged my way along the pavement bouncing off trees and lamposts one side and bushes the other.
Funnily enough I wasn’t alone at some point I’d managed to join a couple of lads in the same state as me and we sang our own version of auld lang syne until they went off in another direction and I continued my journey home.
Nearing home I thought it a good idea to check my phone, well 20ish missed calls and a one sided text convo from the wife that started with ‘where are you’ and ended with ‘answer your efin phone’. This didn’t bode well…
Arriving home all the family was there and tears and tantrums followed about how worried everyone was and I should grow up.
Anyway quiet one next year I reckon.
Happy New Year everyone…
