Lucy:
I think the ability to get over it depends on the effort made by both partners. It’s amazing what time (in some cases, ALOT of time) can heal if both are determined to save the relationship
Now there lies the rub. Personally, I wouldn’t want to save a relationship with someone who had that little respect for their partner…you have to respect someone to love them, IMHO.
I don’t know anything about your personal relationship experiences Lucy, but speaking from my own experiences in the past… sometimes the pain of losing the relationship is more severe than the humilitiation of the infidelity. I was with a habitual cheater for years… and I was completely stupid. I forgave him more times than I care to count, and blinded myself in order to avoid the pain. But like I said before… repeat performances tend to harden us, and after a while enough is enough. That said… I still believe that infidelity isn’t always due to a lack of respect for the partner… there can be much deeper reasons for it. Not all men are like my ex, not that men are the only ones capable of infidelity… women are just as likely. Patrick could cheat on me, I could cheat on him…it can happen in the best of relationships. Under the right circumstances, the wrong timing, and a vulnerable state of mind we can all have a lapse in judgement. And if there is true remorse and regret, and an honest, genuine attempt to rectify it, then everyone deserves that chance, at least once. We’re all human and nobody is infallible.